The Room With A View

(A Self-Reflective Blog On How To Handle Real-Life Issues, By Amaris The Poet)

1/1/21

How Do We View Transformation?

• "You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." - C.S. Lewis

• "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." - Maya Angelou

• "Those who have a 'why' to live; can bear with almost any 'how.'" - Viktor Frankl

• "Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it." - Unknown

• "The first step toward change, is awareness. The second step is acceptance." - Nathaniel Branden

• "Make a difference, change the game for the better, leave a legacy, be a guide that someone else can follow and make better; and then, someone else will follow that, and make that better." - Carlos Wallace

• "When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too." - Pablo Cuelho

• "Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one." - Brad Paisley

Good morning, and Happy New Year!

Are you one of the people who views New Year's Day as just another day? Do you feel like too much hoopla goes into the first day of the beginning of a new year? Or did the year 2020 inspire you to want better things to happen?

The year 2020, for some; was indeed challenging. Some of us encountered changes that forced us to live our lives much differently than we were used to living them.. There was significant loss; whether it was the loss of a loved one, the loss of income, the loss of good health, or even the loss of our ability to experience our favorite places to visit; due to the lockdowns resulting from the pandemic.

Some of those changes may have forced us to behave differently than we know ourselves to behave.. I have noticed; just from watching YouTube videos and social media, that the pandemic has had an effect on people that is life - altering. Political arguments ensued, physical fights took place over household goods and mask wearing policies.. There were protests for certain rights that were being infringed upon, and riots; as well as the peaceful displays from groups of us who came together to bring about change in the way law enforcement has handled certain situations.. The year 2020 has opened our eyes to things that may have always been there; brewing beneath us, finally bubbling up to the surface of our hearts. It has placed us in situations that we might never have pictured ourselves having to deal with in our lifetimes. 2020 has either unveiled a negative side in us, or revealed how negativity in the world could make us better people.

Which brings me to the subject I would like to discuss today.

Transformation has many facets. It can mean reacting to your surroundings in a haphazard manner; thinking less about consequences, and more about the moment at hand.. Or, it can be a scrupulous, meticulous process of paying close attention to the details that someone desires to reconstruct in themselves. The latter, if the attempt becomes successful; likely results in a complete overhaul.. Yet, the former also holds the possibilities of that same result..

So, what I'd like you to ask yourself today is, will you allow change in yourself deliberately; or are you willing to leave it up to chance? Are you here to exist; and to let the world's circumstances alter your perceptions however they will? Or will you have a willful hand in the person you may be destined to become?

12/25/2020

How Do We View Giving?

• "No one has ever become poor by giving." - Anne Frank

• "We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. - Winston S. Churchill

• "No act of kindness, however small, is wasted." - Aesop

• "You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." - Kahill Gibran

• "You're learning to be nourished by the love you give, not by the validation offered in response to your giving." - Matt Kahn

• "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away." -Pablo Picasso

• "Whatever you think people are withholding from you--praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on--give it to them." - Eckhart Tolle

• "Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow." - Thornton Wilder

I chose this subject for many reasons today. Number one, the most obvious reason, is that it is Christmas morning as I am writing this entry. And giving is one of the most important things that this season is all about.

Unfortunately, I have run across a person who has lost sight of that. He has inspired a teachable moment for me today.

Let us delve deeply into one of the quotes listed above:

"You're learning to be nourished by the love you give, not by the validation offered in response to your giving."

What does this mean, exactly?

Let's take the Bible story of the Good Samaritan, for example. This man came across another man who had been beaten badly and robbed; left for dead on the side of a road. Prior to the Good Samaritan finding this man, a priest had come across the injured man, and had passed by on the other side of the road. After that, another man came by, and also passed the man by, leaving him as he was. It was the Good Samaritan who had taken pity on the man, and picked him up, carried him on his donkey, and took him to an inn, paying the innkeeper to look after him.

Now, this is not actually a story that took place; rather, it is a parable that Jesus told as an example of how to be a good neighbor; to someone who had asked Jesus to provide an example of what the true meaning of being a good neighbor was.

And yet, this story comes true every day. Unfortunately, there are many untold stories of the man, woman, or child who is homeless, in need, suffering, cold, or hungry, and who is passed by; by many who either feel they do not have enough to give, can't do it right now, or who just find reasons why they feel that person doesn't deserve their help.

And then, there are people who give; but do not do so out of kindness. They give, so that they can feel a sense of entitlement.. And not necessarily as an offering of selflessness from the heart.

I have a story of my own as an example for this. (Not a true story).

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was a single mother of three children. The father of the children had made a decision not to be present in those children's lives. The mother had a job, but it paid her just enough to take care of the children's immediate needs; such as shelter, food, and clothing. But, as the Christmas season approached, the woman had not had the means to purchase Christmas presents for the children.

The woman had told her best friend of the situation she was in. The friend was a single woman, with no children. She lived a wealthy life, and had more than enough means of taking care of herself.

The friend took it upon herself to go shopping to buy the children gifts; after the single mother had told her of the children's wishes. She bought every single thing the children had wished they could have for Christmas.

On Christmas, the children rejoiced. They were very happy, and their mother was overjoyed. She told the best friend of her thankfulness, and she was extremely grateful just to see her children smile. She thanked the friend profusely, and the friend told her she was more than welcome.

In the days that followed, the best friend began asking the mother to run errands on her behalf. The mother obliged, feeling that she owed the friend for the gifts she had provided. The friend's requests had become more frequent as time went on, and they had begun to take a toll on the mother's time and energy. The mother had begun stretching herself thin between having to work, take care of her children, and providing time for the the errands that the friend had requested from her. She decided to confront the friend, and tell her as nicely as possible that she needed to take a break from helping her. She felt that her job and her children were her first priorities, and she was sure the friend would be understanding of her plight.

In hearing of this, the friend had become very angry. She reminded the mother of what she had done her her at Christmas time, and told her that she should feel obligated to return the favor that she had so kindly given her children..

The mother had become despondent. She was very tired, but decided that; since she was helped at a very desperate time in her life, she would continue to help the friend.

The mother's tireless efforts at her job eventually became recognized by her superiors. She earned a bonus at work, giving her extra pay to cover her and her family for at least the next six months. The mother had made a decision, and went back again to confront the friend.

She took half of her earnings from the bonus check, and offered it to the friend as a gesture of payback to cover the gifts she had bought. It was double the amount the friend had paid for the gifts. The friend then refused it, and asked the mother to continue running the errands she had requested instead; well aware of how the mother was tired and in need of rest..

The mother had had enough. She slipped the check she had written onto a table in the friend's house when she wasn't looking, and told the friend she was unable to keep up the help she had given her. The friend later found the check, and slipped it back under the mother's door with a note. The note was a message saying that she was ending their friendship; since the mother wasn't appreciative of her gift gesture to her children..

Now let's evaluate this story..

The mother had clearly expressed her gratitude to this friend, the moment the gesture was given.. But yet, the friend still accused her of being ungrateful; simply because she was unable to do something that the friend had requested from her in return.. Even after she had paid her back for the gifts. Do you feel this treatment was fair?

Do you feel that the friend was obligated to give her time and energy as a repayment of her friend's gesture in the first place? Or was that an unfair assessment?

Do you think that, going forward; the mother in this story will be as quick to accept help from others after the treatment she received from her friend? Would you; if you had been in her situation?

"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." - Kahill Gibran

Do you feel that the friend from the story fits the description of the example of giving from this quote? Did she truly give of herself? Or did she give to get something in return?

When you give, what part of your heart does it truly come from? Do you expect others to give something in return, or do you never expect anything?

I encourage you today to view giving from the window in your heart.

Christmas time is an obvious time to give, and to receive.. But you must also evaluate your view on receiving.

To receive a gift with as much kindness as you would want it to be given to you, is just as important. You mustn't let an unfair experience from your past; discourage you from receiving selfless gifts in the future. Someone else may have the right intentions behind their giving.

Having said that, keep in mind that; everything you do, is a reflection of yourself, and can also have a strong effect on how someone begins to look at life; and how they begin to react to future situations they come across with others. You can either provide an example of selflessness that encourages someone else to pay that kindness forward; or you can act in a way that discourages them from giving or receiving from others altogether. You may just be one person, but understand that; what you do or don't do creates a chain reaction that can end up repeating itself through that one person you interacted with. It's ultimately up to you to decide which image you'd like to be known for.

For My Believers: Some Bible verses to help you with your future decisions.

• "Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7

• "Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38

• "And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” Mark 12:41-44

• "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it." Proverbs 3:27

• "Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed." Proverbs 19:17

• "One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered." Proverbs 11:24-25

• "Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back." Luke 6:30

• "You shall give to him freely, and your heart shall not be grudging when you give to him, because for this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you undertake." Deuteronomy 15:10

In closing this entry today, I'd like to wish you and your families a very Merry Christmas. I pray that you will experience God's blessings ever abundantly going into the new year of 2021. And when you do, please do not forget those along the way who need a helping hand, a word of encouragement, or a shoulder to lean on. Giving is not always about your possessions. Some people can benefit from a lot less. So, remember to be caring, sharing, and loving to those around you who really need it. It truly goes a long, long way.

Be blessed. Until next time.

12/20/2020

How Do We View Fear?

• "There is no illusion greater than fear." - Lao Tzu

• "Don't let your fear of what could happen make nothing happen." - Doe Zantamata

• "Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid, and act anyway." - Robert Anthony

• "To escape fear, you have to go through it, not around." - Richie Norton • "Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves." - Cheryl Strayed

• "It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." - Mandy Hale

• "F-E-A-R has 2 meanings: Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise.. the choice is yours." - Zig Ziglar

• "A woman is like a tea bag. You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." - Eleanor Roosevelt

What is a thing from your childhood that frightened the living daylights out of you? Are you still afraid of that thing now? Why or why not?

I want you to think about that what that thing was while you read about mine. Then, we'll reevaluate the present, in comparison to the past.

I'm sure I had a fear of heights, spiders, or creepy crawly things as a small child.. But that isn't the kind of fear I want to talk about today. I want to talk to you about the more crippling fears.. The kind that aren't conquered quite as easily as some other kinds.

I had a mother who seemed absolutely fearless to me..

She was the type who would pick up something dead with her hands without wincing or flinching, who would walk through knee-high mud with no worries about getting herself dirty, who would see blood; and worry more about whether the person bleeding was hurt, rather than fear of the blood itself.. Her brevity was an anomaly to me.. As a child, I wondered where a lady could get that kind of strength from.. And I just knew it didn't get passed down to me..

I was the kind of child who would see a huge dog, sitting there, minding its own business, and I'd take off screaming and running for my life, not realizing that I was actually drawing my own attention to myself.. I remember one Christmas Eve, my mother told me that there was a sandman who would sprinkle sand in my eyes if I didn't go to sleep and was still awake when Santa came.. I believed it wholeheartedly, and shut my eyes tightly, even though I wasn't even sleepy.. I was a scared and gullible child.. So I often wondered how I could come from such a brave woman..

And then, when I was eleven years old, we lost my dad. And the courage my mother displayed, was much more than admirable.. It was almost unthinkable.. To me, at least.

I watched her as she gathered her amazing courage each day, and carried it around with her.

She kept on living. She kept on laughing and smiling. There was never a day when she couldn't make it out of bed. She kept being herself, the strong woman she had always been when he was alive. She didn't need anyone to tell her that he would want it that way.. It was like she already knew that. She pushed through pain, and persevered.

And I was in awe of her.

But I still wondered for a long time if her awesome characteristics could or would ever rub off on me.. That scared and gullible, fragile child..

And then I fell in love with a boy.

We became a couple, and stayed that way from teenage years to adulthood. We created a family. But early on in our relationship, I began to feel like losing him would be the end of me. If he'd promised he'd see me at a certain time, but then was late, I worried that something bad had happened to him.. Whenever he wasn't around me, I felt like I was coming unglued.. Not talking to him for a whole day would have me almost in tears.. It was like a limb came off. And I often thought back to how my mother had handled my dad's death.. How was she so resilient? What was it that she had, that was so hard for me to attain?

Eventually, years later, that same boy left me for another woman.. And my worst fear was realized.. I began to think I'd actually had it worse than my mom. At least she'd had the chance to say goodbye to my dad; to come to terms with the fact that he might die from his illness.. She got to leave it on a good note, and tell him she loved him.. I was just left with rejection and extremely low self-esteem..

I actually felt like I was dying.. And then, I was; because for this and other reasons, I had attempted suicide. I should actually be dead today, but for reasons unknown to me, known only to God, I survived.

I spent weeks in a depression center immediately after my 4 week stint in the hospital, recovering from the attempt I'd made on my life. It was there that I learned that fear, is nothing. It is simply an illusion. A thought that slides into our ear, embeds itself into our minds, and stays there.. but only as long as we let it.

The occupational therapist there said to me, "Let's say I tell you to think about anything in the world right now, except a yellow bus. Then, lets say I tell you that you cannot think of a yellow bus for the rest of your life. How would that change the way you live? Could you go outside? Could you watch television? Could you walk your child to school?" Of course, the answer was no. There'd be the risk of running into a yellow bus, no matter what I did. It would drastically change my entire life.. And it would create a fear that would never go away. He compared this thought of the yellow bus, to fear itself. If you walk around all the time afraid that something is going to happen, courage can never find you. It's like you're choosing to run from it for your whole lifetime.. It was the most profound thing anyone has ever brought to my attention about myself.

It didn't happen right away, but eventually, I got over my fear.

And I realized that, I may not have been as radically different from my mother as I had once believed.. It just took me a little longer to see that it was in me all along.

So, what's your fear? Does it paralyze you still? Is it one that you have carried around from childhood to adulthood? Could it be that you just tell yourself that you're afraid of this thing? Is it possible that you've tucked your courage away in a hidden place that you can't even find yourself now?

I've had those days where I've hidden something very important not to lose, so well; that even I couldn't find it when I needed it.. How about you?

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve.. but now my courage is there, instead.. I can't lose that again.

For my believers: Here are some encouraging verses for you today.

Psalm 34:4-5 - “I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.”

Psalm 23:4 - “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Psalm 46:1-3 - “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.”

Isaiah 41:13 - "For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

Luke 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

Lamentations 3:57 - "You came near when I called on you; you said, ‘Do not fear!’ "

"A woman is like a tea bag. You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." - Eleanor Roosevelt

This quote is more about strength than fear.. But I included it in this entry, because now; so am I.

Until next time.

Check out this video about overcoming your fears.

12/19/2020

How Do We View Peace?

• "Be like a tree, and let the dead leaves drop." - Rumi

• "Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." - Blogspot.com

• "Peace is the result of restraining your mind to process life as it is; rather than as you think it should be." - success.com

• "Walk in the direction where your peace is found." - Steve Aitchison

• "The soul usually knows what to do to silence itself.. The challenge is to silence the mind." - Positive Outlooks

• "When you are comfortable in your own skin, you can be at peace anywhere." - Antsy McClain

• "Peace is not the absence of power.. Peace is the presence of love." - Sri Chinmoy

As usual, the quotes above were chosen carefully; as they are on all of my entries. But with this one; I mention that specifically, because I would like to discuss a few of these in depth.

"Peace is the result of restraining your mind to process life as it is; rather than as you think it should be..."

This one in particular struck a chord with me as soon as I read it. Not everything that you think will bring you peace, will. I, for one, have learned this the very, very hard way. I will also go on to say that, this quote can be flipped around to where the opposite of the saying itself, could also be also true. (At least, for me, it was).

"The soul usually knows what to do to silence itself.. The challenge is to silence the mind.."

I'd like to combine these two quotes; along with my own personal experiences, to make my point today.

You see, I'd had an idea of what peace had looked like to me in my own mind. I had a family. I had their father, and we had children. Peace, to me, at that time, was a forever after of everything that their father and I had struggled to build.. namely; unity. We'd come up from teenage years, trying to make a life for our family. We'd not had very much help, so our mistakes were large mistakes; that later became evident in the eyes of our children as they began to age. For starters, with us ourselves having been children raising children, we weren't exactly finished being raised by our own parents when we became parents.. And that took its toll on our parenting styles. Not only that, but we had been raised in very different household types; so that took its toll on our children. It eventually took its toll on the family as a whole.

Nevertheless, without having much knowledge of what to expect, how to handle certain situations, and not knowing how to plan for scenarios that could easily go terribly awry, I still viewed my family life as all I needed to be happy, and at peace.. Even though my peace in my own household was constantly jeopardized, and, for the most part, disturbed..

The relationship between my children's father and me was tumultuous.. We were always at odds, constantly arguing and fighting. The main issue though, was that we failed to think clearly about the fact that everything we said and did as people; whether together, or individually, would shape the people that our children were growing to become. As time marched on, I began to realize this.. whereas, my children's father grew up in a household with the motto, "Do as I say, do not do as I do." As a result, we began to undermine each other's intentions of trying to be the best parents we could be.. And.. well, let's just say.. things did not go the way I'd imagined they would. My imagination had gotten the best of me, and carried me away with hopes and dreams that would never come to fruition.

I had begun paying more attention to the way things should be; as opposed to how they were.. And less of my attention was focused on finding the wisdom to know the difference between the things I could change; as opposed to the things I could not.. or in this case, the person..

The worst of it was, I thought that the ways things should be, was achievable; when, in actuality, I should have let sleeping dogs lie.. and I should have just walked away from things that weren't "fixable."

Which brings me back to the first quote I wanted to discuss..

"Peace is the result of restraining your mind to process life as it is; rather than as you think it should be..."

I had trouble finding peace with the way things were, and I wanted to change them. I had trouble seeing the fact that I couldn't change someone for the better, unless they desired it on their own.

And now, I'll touch on the second quote:

"The soul usually knows what to do to silence itself.. The challenge is to silence the mind."

The most difficult thing I've had to face, is the fact that, deep inside, I always knew what was necessary to achieve peace for myself. I had to become isolated to know what peace really looked like for me.. To embrace solitude; and to think about the alternative of what my ideas of peace had been at first.. To realize the fact that, that was just what they were.. ideas.. Assumptions.. not reality. I had lost touch with practicality, and I sank deeper into an abyss of my thoughts telling me that, if I could just change people to think the way I think, they'd understand where I was coming from, and how important it was that my ideas came to life.. Needless to say, I made things worse; and more difficult for my own self-acceptance that life may not actually turn out to be what I wanted it to be..

My mind would not silence itself. And this went on for years.. But my soul knew all along that the discord around me was killing me inside.. Daily. My mind kept telling me that, even though I was unhappy, my children were unhappy, and there was no peace whatsoever; I could change their father to match what I wanted.. instead of having to give him up entirely.. And in the end, it became necessary anyway.

I mentioned earlier that the first quote could also be true if reversed, which would look like this:

"Peace is the result of restraining your mind to process life as you think it should be; rather than as it is..."

In my case, the way things were, was what was causing the dissonance.. and the way things should have been, was what I had refused to come to terms with. My mind couldn't wrap itself around things as they actually should be; (choosing to leave), although I knew peace was extremely out of reach by my own doing. I wanted my family situation to remain as it was; even knowing that mine and my children's peace would suffer as a result of that.

With all of that said, in closing, I want you to allow yourself to think outside of the box about what peace could actually look like for you. My issue was that, thinking outside of the box was something that I would not allow myself to be capable of.

Are you struggling with a life situation that you are afraid to change? Something that you only think is peaceful on the surface (out of fear of losing it); but your soul is telling you otherwise? It could be your family situation, your career choice.. something that you know full well is sitting on your shoulders; wanting to be released from your hold on it, but you won't let it go.. Something that, for your own reasons, you want to keep; knowing that every day you do, the distance between you and your peace continues to grow..

If this is your reality, let peace have its chance in your life. There is nothing more important than being able to smile, and having reasons to do so.

For my believers: Paul says in Philippians 4:12-20:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

Bless you if you are able to gain the strength it takes to overcome any situation. You will find peace wherever you go. And for those of us who have at some point taken this verse to heart; yet not heeded God's intentions for our peace, misconstruing our own plans for ourselves as His plans for us; remember this verse as well: Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Please know that you are never alone. God is always with you, and He always knows what is best. Never stop trusting Him, especially when things are at their worst. He calls for us to live in peace. 2 Thessalonians 3:16: “Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

The seventh quote listed above.. I included that one so that you'd know that true peace comes from choosing to love yourself.. not having power over the people around you. Be willing to change your situation, if it ultimately causes more harm than good. Peace is a priceless gift that should never be taken for granted, nor sacrificed for any reason.

I will leave you with this last quote; which I believe sums it up:

"Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be." - Sonia Ricotti

Until next time.

How Do We View Friendship?

2/17/2019

Quotes for the Day:

• "True friends are like diamonds.. Bright, beautiful, valuable, and always in style." -- Nicole Richie

• "Just remember.. If we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English." -- pinquotes.com

• "Be true to your work, your word, and your friend." -- Henry David Thoreau

• "One of the very pleasant things about friendship is the, 'Do you remember' moments." -- Faith Baldwin

• "A strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation. Doesn't always need togetherness; as long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part." -- Unknown

Good afternoon! The view for today is friendship; and I have chosen this subject today; because, ever since I was a child, I have had trouble making and keeping friends. I have had to reflect on this particular issue because I believe that I am the culprit for why I have had so many problems with this in the past. First, I'll begin by telling you why I believe this has been such a dilemma:

Firstly, I build an invisible wall between myself and all of the people around me. I am not a small talker; so chatting with individuals I do not know is not something I have ever been comfortable with. This has been one of my greatest hindrances when it comes to meeting new people. Secondly, I make a lot of criteria for a person to meet in order to get past that wall I have built. They have to prove they are trustworthy, they have to prove that they are a person I have a lot in common with, and they have to have done something that; in my eyes, shows them to be a good person.. And while these are reasonable requests to ask of a person before I consider becoming a lifetime friend to them, I am still managing to shut people out of my life; and these criteria are still a bit much. The reason I say this, is because, it leaves very little room for acquaintances.. And I am beginning to learn that acquaintances are not necessarily a bad thing to have around.. The problem is, I have always considered them to be a waste of time. My philosophy up till now has always been; why have acquaintances, if they are not really someone you can call a real friend? But what I have ended up doing, is shutting out an acquaintance's chance at becoming a real friend to me, just by not having any at all.

This has been a disadvantage; both to me, and potential lifetime friends. I am missing out on chances to develop real relationships with people; simply because I have eliminated the possibility of increasing the number of friends I currently have. Before I go on, I have a question to ask you. See the quiz below. (And thank you for your participation)!

The reasons I have asked this question; are so that I may get to know my readers better; and so that you may be of as much help to me as I hope this blog is to you. Am I alone in this? Do you seem to be hindering yourself from making new friends? Are you doing it deliberately; or does it seem that you try to make friends voluntarily, and you are still having trouble? I could use some advice of my own with this one; and I will use the information you have given me for advice and research of my own.

I am continually on the search for new friends; and I realize that the way that I have gone about it in the past has been all wrong. you may be asking why now, all of a sudden, does friendship mean so much to me? I'll explain. I have recently made a lot of friends; due to being in an environment where I was expected to be cordial to people regularly. When I was "forced" to be nice, I found that; after some time had passed, I was no longer doing it because I felt that I had to. It had gotten to the point that I was wanting and craving new relationships, because the new friends that I had made were beginning to add to my life. So, I have now decided that I am sincerely interested in allowing this to continue. It took a real hard look in the mirror for me to realize that I was standing in my own way.

I realized that, having friends is a definite plus. I have had some very close friends; and for the most part; my previous philosophy had been foolproof.. but only in the sense that my friends up till now really are trustworthy, and I have been able to keep them now for a very long period of time.. but I find now that there is no reason why I should be limiting myself to just them.. and the philosophy itself was forcing me to be too selective.

So, all in all, I have learned something about myself.. a couple of things, actually.. That I am not necessarily the type of person who has trouble making friends.. but that I was forcing myself to be that type of person. That's not who I really am.

I believe that one of the reasons that we are here is to have meaningful relationships with people. Every relationship that we have that we allow to develop and bloom is detrimental; both to them, and to us. You never know what kind of difference you are able to make in another person's life; and you should never step in your own way of finding out how much of a difference they could potentially make in yours..

So, my new philosophy for myself is this: go forth into the world, and allow yourself to see Christ in every person you meet. This has been the key for me, personally. I was at church one day, and the priest said this, "When Jesus approached Saul of Tarsus, he ask him, 'Saul, why do you persecute me?' He did not ask, why do you persecute Christians; or why do you persecute the good people of the world, but rather; why ME? This says to me that Jesus looks at every person who follows Him as himself. He is the head, and they are the body. Therefore, that is why it is so important that we do the same with one another. Christ expects us to treat all others as we would ourselves."

That message changed my life.. and my whole entire outlook on it. I made me pay some real attention to the person that I have been living my life as in the past, vs. who I have allowed God to turn me into. I have to say.. I definitely like the new me better. It's still very important to me that the people I allow into my life are trustworthy.. but it is impossible to know that about someone right away. You have to befriend them before you can find out.

Here are some key points to being the best friend you can possibly be, and knowing when a person will make a good friend to you:

• Love is being a friend when it is the hardest.

• Always being there when seemingly no one else cares.

• Doing things for someone that you know they would do for you.

• Listening when someone needs an ear.

• When you prefer that someone to your own solitude.

• When you smile the most whenever they are around.

• Seeing their best when they are at their worst.

Here are some Bible verses for my spiritual readers for encouragement:

• Proverbs 22: 24-25 -- Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

• Colossians 3:12-14 -- Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

• Job 2:11-- When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.

• Luke 6:31-- Do to others as you would have them do to you.

• Proverbs 13:20 -- Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

• Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

• John 15:12-15 -- My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

I sincerely hope and pray that I have been of some help to you today. I consider each of my readers as my friends, especially if they know me from social media.. If you do, then you are already aware of how much it means to me that you are reading this at all. You are appreciated! And if my experiences in life can be of assistance to you; and vice-versa, then hey... That's what friends are for, right?

Until next time.

Here is a song that I feel is appropriate for today's post. Enjoy! I pray that I will begin to develop as many friendships like the ones depicted in this song.

How Do We View Strength?

2/15/2019

Quotes for the Day:

• "Life is tough, my darling.. but so are you." -- Stephanie Bennett Henry

• "I survived because the fire inside of me was stronger than the fire around me." -- extramadeness.com

• "Grow through what you go through." -- inspriationalquotesmagazine.com

• "It's not the mountain we conquer; but ourselves." -- Edmund Hillary

• "Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't." -- Rikki Rogers

Strength... one of the hardest things to find when you really need it. During the hardest times of your life, it seems to continually escape you.. And we find ourselves wondering why this is.

Some of us are fortunate enough to find strength in another person, and we borrow pieces of theirs when we can't find our own. And, while this is a beautiful thing; we need to prepare ourselves for the times when that person is nowhere to be found; for whatever reason.

There are some situations when we need to depend upon ourselves to get through a tough time. What if the person who supplies the strength we borrow has to move away? What if they pass away? The truth about death; is that it is a morbid thought when it isn't happening to someone close to us, but we need to accept the fact that; at all times, it can be possible. Life is unpredictable. Circumstances sometimes escape our control. And this is where our own personal strength must be able to reveal itself. But, how do we find it when when haven't been fortunate enough to exercise that strength on a regular basis? While, it is nice to have a person that you can depend on to help you through situations that you feel unable to make your way through on your own, you are actually preventing yourself from using a "muscle" that needs to be used as often as possible. Strength gets stronger, the more it is used.

For instance, one very good way to exercise your strength is by crying.. Some might say, "But isn't that a sign of weakness?" No. Absolutely not. It is quite the opposite, in fact. The ability to cry, especially in front of others, is courage. And, it has the capacity to release the angst that builds up inside of you; which can stop you from grasping onto your strength in the first place. It is releasing fear, worry, and doubt; that help you find your way to your strength. A good cry can get those feelings out, so that you can focus more clearly on the situation at hand. Holding your emotions inside will only tear you up. If you feel more comfortable crying in solitude, then do so. Just don't be afraid to feel or appear weak for having done so.

When someone uses the phrase, "Stay strong," to you, what characteristics come to mind that exhibit strength in your eyes? Try writing down 5 adjectives that describe a strong person; from your perspective. Think of the strongest person you have ever known. What unique traits does/did this person possess?

Once that is done, look at your list. What have you come up with? For me, the strongest person I have ever known was my mother. I watched her lose her husband (my father), and she managed to do this with grace and acceptance. She managed to still be there for me and my sibling when we needed her. She managed to go on with her life; and although she was obviously suffering terribly on the inside, she was still able to smile. This behavior showed me that she had given her cares to the Lord. She knew that my father was now in a good place; where he could no longer feel the ills he was agonizing from in life. And that gave my mother peace.. which allowed her to share it with her children. Misery can be contagious; and when children see their parents in pain, they are often at a loss for what to do; since they mostly depend on their parents to show them how to behave in adult situations. Seeing my mother at peace in a tragedy made me realize that it is possible to give my worries a place to reside, rather than within myself.. and that was by giving them to my Father in Heaven. I learned perseverance from her; how to find strength when it was most needed, and how to be at peace when others may expect you to lose your mind. You don't have to break down. It is okay if you do, but it is not a necessary reaction. It's important to realize also that all people have their own personal ways of dealing with a tragic circumstance. Just know that, strength comes from being able to find tranquility in the midst of chaos.

Next, I will ask you this.. What is the hardest situation that you have ever faced? How were you able to make it through that? Was there someone who helped you, or were you able to do it all on your own?

You know something? It doesn't even matter.. The point is, you came THROUGH it. That situation is now in your distant past. You can now look on it and say, "I made it through." That was strength in itself. My objective with this post, though, is to help you to find your inner strength whenever you need to access it. To learn ways to accept pain and suffering and loss. To be able to bounce back from difficulties when they come your way.. Because, in case you didn't know; you can do it. Whether or not you believe you are capable without the assistance of someone else, it can definitely be done.

Think about the ways in which you have handled past pain and hurt. Think about how you were able to get over it whenever you finally did. The amount of time it takes you to bounce back from adversity is not the important thing.. It's the method you used. If you allow yourself to become dependent on someone else for your source of strength, it will become more and more difficult for you to find your own.

Remember, even when you don't feel strong, you still are. The very fact that you have faced adversity in the past and managed to come through it, is proof.

Are you, or have you been the type of person whom everyone comes to to draw their strength from? If so, that can be a blessing and a curse; for both them, and for yourself. A blessing, for them; because you are helping them through affliction and sorrow, and a curse for them; because they are dependent upon you, rather than themselves, which can make it a hindrance, rather than assistance.

It can be a blessing for you, because you are making a difference; and a curse for you, because people are drawing from a fountain you have within that you need for your own tribulations. This can sometimes be hard, because you yourself have your own personal struggles, and people have their ways of making you feel personally responsible for handling theirs; which can take time away from your own healing process. It's always a good thing to be a saving grace to someone in need, but do it sparingly; so that you don't end up draining yourself of the strength you need to survive.

Remember, no one will expect you to have super-human strength. No one is asking you to be the face of stone when life has gone outside of the realm of quietude... Feel free to deal with your trials as comfortably as you possibly can. And for my spiritual readers, remember that Yahweh is your rock. Here are some bible verses to give you some reassurance of that:

• Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

• Nehemiah 8:10 Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

• Exodus 15:2 The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory. This is my God, and I will praise him—  my father’s God, and I will exalt him!

• Psalm 32:7-8 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

• Exodus 33:14 My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.

• Isaiah 26: 3-4 Those of steadfast mind you keep in peace—because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord God you have an everlasting rock.

I could go on with these.. For, the Lord has served me in ways that are indescribable. He has never, ever, let me down. There have been many; maybe even countless times where I have let myself down, but Yahweh was always there to lift me up.. To remind me that; though life is filled with hardship.. He is my ever-present refuge. He provides me with an abundant supply of strength whenever I feel I am depleted of my own. I pray that you will find that in Him as I have; and that He is with you, no matter what malady befalls you. He is the only one whose strength can infallibly be depended on at all times to sustain you. Stay in faith, and in prayer; and you shall always be showered with His everlasting love and peace in your life.

Until next time.

How Do We View Our Self Worth?

2/2/2019

Quotes for the Day:

• "You are only as beautiful or as ugly as you believe you are. You define your beauty. That's not a power anyone can have over you." -- pinterest.com

• "The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you'll tolerate." -- quoteambition.com

• "Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love." -- Brene Brown

• "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

It's a very hard thing to go through when someone says or does something that makes you feel like less than you originally believed you were; and it's worse if you never started out believing that you were worth very much, and someone added to that feeling. Truth is, I could tell you all day that I think you're beautiful, inside and out, but if something inside your head disagrees with me, it's not something you will ever come to accept as your truth.

My goal with this post today is to make you take a look inside of yourself... What do you see? What are your first three thoughts concerning your inner self? Write them down. 3 truths about you, concerning your personality from your own point of view.

Once you have finished that, write down 3 things that you feel are truths about your outer self; whether it be facial features, the way you dress, or your hair; or all three.

Were the things that you wrote positive, or negative traits? If they were negative, why do you suppose that is? Is it something that someone once told you they thought about you; that you have now accepted as a truth? Or did it come from you?

If the things you wrote were positive, do you carry these feelings about yourself around with you at all times? Do you feel that confidence in yourself is exuded in your overall body language; and in the way you carry yourself on a daily basis? If not, then it should be.

Maybe you've been in a relationship; whether romantic, or family related, with someone who has made you feel inadequate at some point.. If so, always remember that you are what you answer to. No one has the ability to take away your worth.

Say these words to yourself 10 times a day: "I am beautifully made, and I matter."

Because you are, and you do. And you always will. Don't let anyone tell you or convince you otherwise.

Here are some Bible verses for my spiritual readers' encouragement:

• Ephesians 2:10  “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

• Psalm 139:14  “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

• Proverbs 31:10-31  “A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies. 

• Proverbs 3:15-18  “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.  Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.  Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.  She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.”

• Song of Songs 4:7  “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”

God loves you. More than you can ever know. Imagine how He sees you. He created you in beauty, inside and out. Don't let anyone on earth take that from you. The very act of attempting to make someone see the worst in themselves is as ugly as ugly can get. So leave that term to the ones who have earned that title.

I love you, as well. You are BEAUTIFUL. Always and forever.

Until next time.

Here's a song from me to you.

How Do We View Joy?

1/26/2019

Quotes for the day:

• "Joy is the best makeup." -- Anne Lamott

• "There are 2 ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it." --Edith Wharton

• "Joy is untouched by circumstance." -- hoperobertson.com

• "Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy; and keep choosing it every day." -- Henri J.M. Nouwen

• "Joy is a decision. A really brave one. About how you are going to respond to life." -- Wess Stafford

We sometimes make the mistake of believing that someone or something needs to be responsible for giving us a reason to smile every day.. And that; otherwise, we have every reason to be downcast. Troubled. Upset. Frowning miserably, disconsolate, and distressed. We say its because life is hard. We blame our troubles for the blues we experience; and we say that smiling takes effort... Yes. Life is definitely difficult at times. Yes. We struggle; some of us, almost every day. Yes. Our blues are the result of our troubles. But no one... absolutely no one, told us that frowning is the only reaction we should have toward these things. We have options; believe it or not.

We also sometimes mistake joy as something that is tangible... That, at any time, someone can come along and take it from us; with a simple word, a look, or an action of negativity. Check out the questions below. Let's see how you'd react to the following scenarios: (And thank you for your participation!)

If you found yourself answering those questions with any other than the last option given, you may be someone whom I have just described above.. A believer that negativity can ruin your whole outlook. That joy is a tangible thing that you allow to be taken from you; despite your cheerful disposition... My question for you is, if this is true, then why do you allow it?

Yes, I said "allow." Joy is always a choice. No one can take it away from you unless you allow them to. Let's say that someone whom you can't stand has just moved back into town. They call you. You have a conversation with them that is especially annoying. When you hang up the phone, everyone who says anything to you after that phone call; you begin to snap at them. Who is to blame for your new mood: The person you can't stand, the people who spoke to you after the phone call, or yourself?

Circumstances that happen to us out of the blue that we don't expect, can cause us to dwell. We carry around the dismay we feel from that circumstance; and are sometimes quick to blame others for the way they make us feel; or to blame the circumstances for changing the mood we started out with. But the truth is, we choose to dwell on those things. We choose to carry them around with us, allowing it to affect the way we act towards others around us. We allow others to get into our souls, create disruption, and then we keep it there. But why?

My question, exactly. Everyone wants peace, right? But were you aware that you can be the Queen or King of your your own personal peace? Did you know that you can have tranquility in your spirit; and no matter what is going on around you, you have the ability to maintain it? Your mood is always your choice. Your reaction to things is always a choice you make. Your surroundings are merely testing your ability to remain calm and collected... You will either fail miserably, or pass with flying colors.

Remember this one thing with every day you get up and start your day... Misery is contagious, and it loves company... but joy is contagious as well. When someone smiles at you, your first reaction is usually to smile right back at them. If you take the initiative to be the spreader of joy, you will become infectious... in a good way. The best way to maintain your peace, is to make sure to carry it with you. Pass it around. Smile often. Laugh as often as you can. Bring love to the table. Share it with those who need it even more than you do. Before you know it, people around you will forget that they were miserable, even if it is only for a short while... And will will be all because they came in contact with you.

Be the kind of person whom people love to be around. The kind that; when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while. You can bring warmth to a room full of ice cubes. Melt someone's heart. You never know how badly they may need it.

Be joyful. Each day is an opportunity to find new reasons to be happy. They are waiting to be discovered.

Until next time.

Here is a song that provides a beautiful example of my point. Enjoy.

How Do We View Perseverance?

1/25/2019

Quotes for the day:

• "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races, one after the other." -- Walter Elliot

• "I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. " -- coolnsmart.com

• "Age wrinkles in the body.. Quitting wrinkles in the soul." -- motivationalwellbeing.com

• "A river cuts through a rock; not because of it's power, but its persistence." -- thethingswesay

• "Perseverance is failing 19 times, and succeeding the 20th." -- PictureQuotes.com

The easy things in life are the things we gravitate to; sometimes knowingly and deliberately, and sometimes unwittingly. We want life to be easy. So, we do whatever we can to make things easy for ourselves. Unfortunately, the things that are simple, are usually the things we need to focus on staying away from.

For example... it is easy to love someone or something, as long as that person or thing makes it easy for us to... but when they make it difficult, our love flies right out of the window. It is at that point, that we tell ourselves that loving is optional. We can love for what we believe are all the right reasons, but as soon as loving becomes exigent, we run away.. and it is probably at a time when the person we love needs us the most. Why do we run away when love is begging us to stay? Because it is easy for us to walk away from something/someone that hurts us.

Giving up is much like that. Something that pushes farther than we feel willing to go, makes us wonder why we keep persisting. Then we ask ourselves, why keep at this? I have failed time and time again. It seems hardly worth the effort I keep investing in it... What do I really stand to gain?

A wise person once said, "Anything worth having is worth fighting for." Most of us will probably agree with this quote without even thinking... But then we have to wonder.. what exactly is it that we feel is worth having?

There is no one answer to this question. Every individual has a decision to make of what they feel is worth having. Every person has to decide on their own what is worth gaining... not only that, but how far they are willing to go to gain or maintain it. No matter what it is, it will always be a personal journey for each one of us. My advice is; whatever that is for you, do not ever give up on it.

Nothing that we want for ourselves is ever easy... if it is for you, then you are blessed. But life has its way of making the things that we strive for a real test for us. Some of us are great test takers, and some of us struggle with it. With perseverance, comes labor. With labor, comes fatigue. With fatigue, comes eventual exhaustion.. and after that, comes loss of hope.. in ourselves, as well as our potentially successful outcome. And when we come to that point, we are ready to throw in the towel. Then we make excuses.. "It was too tiring. I tried, but I just didn't measure up. I couldn't keep up the fight. I was too weary."

Now let me ask you this.. I know that many of you have had these thoughts at some time in your lives about one thing or another... So, tell me.. What was your breaking point? Who, or what was it, exactly, that told you that you didn't measure up? Who decided that? You, or someone else? Why did you pick that particular moment to give up the fight? My guess is, you still had the energy to keep going; you just let yourself lose momentum because your willingness to keep moving somehow got lost. People have a way of confusing their lack of determination with their lack of strength. You are very likely stronger than you think you are... All it takes is your belief in that; to keep it alive.

There are so many ways that we lie to ourselves. We say, "I can't do it." We say, "I don't want this thing as much as I thought I did." Truth is, we really do want that thing... just as much as we did when it began as a thought in our minds. With thoughts, come dreams. With dreams, come desire. With desire, comes endeavor. With endeavor, comes labor.. and we're back where we started... fatigue, then exhaustion, then eventual conceding. And that is when our dreams cease to ever be realized.. Then we convince ourselves that we never really wanted to realize them.. But we know that's not the truth.

You CAN do it. You DO want it. You ARE as valuable as you thought you were in the first place... You just want everything to be easy... But you MUST realize one thing... Nothing worth having ever is. Life isn't easy.. But you get up every day, and you live. Loving sometimes isn't easy... but you love, because it brings warmth and joy to your heart. Pushing yourself to persevere will never be easy.. But your dreams are worth fighting for, and you are WORTH the journey it will take to get to that day when you are smiling from ear to ear; euphoric in your moment of success... and no one will ever be able to take that away from you.

For my spiritual readers, here are some Bible verses for your encouragement:

• 2 Timothy 4:7. "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

• Galatians 6:9. "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

• Matthew 19:26. But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

• Joshua 1:9. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

• Isaiah 41:10. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

• Romans 8:28. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

• 2 Chronicles 15:7. "But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.”

Take courage. Be vigilant in your effort to reach your dreams. I want to be there when you get to that day you have always pictured in your mind.. That day when you find the strength you didn't know you had. That day you thought would never come. That day you always believed was reserved for someone who is stronger and better than you... no one is better than you. No one is stronger than you. And no one deserves it more than you, either. I believe that. And you should, too. Don't ever forget it.

Until next time.

Here's a song I listen to that keeps me going when I'm ready to give up. I dedicate it to you. It's going to hurt. It's going to be hard. But in the end, you will smile. I promise.

How Do We View Patience?

1/19/2019

Quotes for the day:

• "Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind." -- David G. Allen

• "Patience is not about doing nothing. It is about constantly doing everything you can; but being patient about the results." -- coolsmart.com

• "When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness." -- Eckhart Tolle

• "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." -- Aristotle

Before I begin discussing the subject of patience today, I have a few scenarios I'd like you to consider. Check out the quiz below:

Now that you have answered the above questions, (thank you for your participation!) Let's review your thoughts about those scenarios:

• For the first question: I know it's very hard waiting in line behind people that seem to be taking forever to make their purchases.. Believe me, I have been there. But if your first thought was to "knock the lady out," do you really believe that situation was more her fault; or just the way you viewed it?

• Second question.. Rushing someone into any type of commitment for your own sake is never a fair thing to do. If your first thought was to "drag them down the aisle," then your own feelings are the only ones you are taking into account; and theirs are just as important. You never want to be in a relationship with resentment hanging in the air above you like a dark cloud.. That's no way to start a life with someone. If you feel so strongly that this may be a waste of your time, maybe the best solution is for you to move on. Look forward to a future with someone who shares your desires.

• Third question.. Are you the type who hates small talk, no matter who its with? So am I. LOL. But I have learned that some people just need someone to listen; and after all, it could be you someday. One conversation could brighten someone's whole day.. And I love to see people smile.

• Fourth question: Would you actually sabotage someone's career just to get ahead faster? If so, wow.. I'd hate to see how you treat your enemies; if that's how you treat your friends! But it's also never in your best interest to just give up. Patience means taking your time to assess the situation, and weigh out all of your options. Is this the career I really want? Is my friendship more important? Is there another field I might consider going into if this one doesn't work out? These are things you may want to consider.

Attitude is everything.. And it has its way of revealing who you really are on the inside; by how you react to the things around you. Patience is something we are all capable of. It is a choice we make. Nothing makes us impatient, except for us. We make the decision of how we will proceed when things don't quite go the way we plan them to.

My suggestions for you today are; if you struggle with patience for people or things in the outside world, to try the following techniques:

• Empathy. What if you were in the person's shoes whom you are impatient with?

• Plan, plan, plan!! It is true that sometimes; we can plan everything right, and circumstances can still get in our way. But that shouldn't stop you from at least trying to stay prepared. At least then, you can rest knowing that you did all you could to avoid things going wrong. If you're stuck in a traffic jam, or behind someone in line with a long purchase, perhaps you could try setting your alarm clock for an earlier time.

• Delayed progress is a huge downer.. I agree. But there is more than one way to get ahead in life; and hurting anyone in the process is never worth it. There is a better way to get what you want.. You just have to be open to figuring out what that is.

• If you are the type of person who anticipates what a person will say in a conversation, and find yourself jumping to conclusions; instead of hearing out what that person is saying, it's not really a conversation at all... It's you, talking to yourself. The only way you can begin to understand what a person is feeling, is by listening first, speaking second. If you know someone like this, but it is not you, please... feel free to show them this blog entry. LOL

Think about how many times you lost your patience, and became short with someone, or felt extreme exasperation.. If it was more than 5, you may want to reconsider your views on how you handle things. What is the root cause of your impatience? Why do you feel in such a hurry for things to go your way? Remember that life is full of things we don't expect.. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep it moving. I'll leave my spiritual readers with some Bible verses today:

• "Be always humble, gentle, and patient. Show your love by being tolerant with one another." (Ephesians 4:2)

• "I waited patiently for the Lord’s help; then he listened to me and heard my cry." (Psalm 40:1)

• "Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times." (Romans 12:12) • "Hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace."

(Proverbs 15:18)

• "The Lord is good to everyone who trusts in him, So it is best for us to wait in patience—to wait for him to save us— And it is best to learn this patience in our youth."

(Lamentations 3:25-27)

The Lord is always with you. Never give up on His ability to make things better in your life.

Until next time.

How Do We View Worry?

1/18/2019

Quotes for today:

• "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.. It's already tomorrow in Australia." -- Charles M. Schultz

• "The day you stop worrying will be the first day of your new life; anxiety takes you in circles. Trust in yourself and become free." -- Leon Brown

• "Action is worry's worst enemy."-- Proverb

• "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy."-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

• "Worry is like a rocking chair: It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." -- Van Wilder

Worry is an epidemic that takes its toll on just about all of us at some points in our lives. We, as humans, worry about issues that are minor, as well as things that may seem colossal to us at the time. Let's take a look at our worries for a moment, and consider how they are affecting us:

• How many worries would you say you have right at this very moment? On a sheet of paper, write down each issue that is plaguing you right now.

• On a scale of 1-10, how worried would say you are about each of these things? Write down the number next to each of your worries.

• Now, look at your list. Place them in order from the most worrisome to the least worrisome. Then turn your page over.

• Now, for the most worrisome issue on your list, write down 3 different ways that you might be able to eliminate this issue from being a problem for you. Do this for each worry, one by one.

For some, this small exercise might have just made your day... As for some others, they may feel that more stress has now been added; because they are now worrying about how they will pull off the solutions to these issues. Sound familiar to you? If so, here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:

• Is this worry about someone other than yourself? How do you think that person might feel if they knew you felt this way? Do you think they would want you to stress yourself out thinking about them?

• Are you the type of person who tries to place all of your problems on your own shoulders? If so, have you considered reaching out for help?

• Are there outside influences that seem to add to your stress? Are you comfortable distancing yourself from people or things that intensify your distress?

• How often do you think about your worries? Try to place an amount on it. When you catch yourself worrying, jot it down.

• Do others often come to you with their own problems? Do you ever feel obligated to help others to the point that you end up on your own back-burner?

• Do you find yourself often using phrases like, "I've got a lot on my mind"?

• How does your worry affect you? Does it keep you awake at night? Do you sometime feel like your heart is beating out of control, even when you're resting?

Remember.. worry can also affect your physical health. It is actually possible to worry yourself sick. If you don't believe me; have a look at this link: https://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/how-worrying-affects-your-body#2

If you are now realizing that a lot of your stress could possibly be avoided by having done the above exercise, as well as answering the following questions after it; keep in mind that worry will never be a solution to any of your problems. I highly doubt that; for any of the proposed solutions you wrote next to your worries, that "worry some more" was one of them. LOL

All of the energy you spend worrying about any problem will only prolong your solution to it. Some people have this belief that worrying about the problem is what keeps them focused on making sure that the problem gets solved; but in the end, it only has the opposite effect.

When a crisis arises, ACT. Do not REACT.

A reaction rarely involves a whole lot of thought. Whereas, an action gets things done. You want the problem solved; so go after its solution with vengeance. If you came across issues that you do not feel are within your threshold to handle; I have a suggestion for you.

For those who are spiritual; consider these Bible verses:

• Matthew 6:25-27  “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”

• Matthew 6:34  “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

• Luke 12:25  “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”

• John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. “

• Psalm 55:22  "Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."

These Bible verses have kept me going during times when I thought my whole world was ending. I hope that they will do the same for you.

For those who are not so spiritual, here is some advice for you. Remember that you have already been through trying times. They got better; with time and/or effort. There is always something you can do to relieve your own stress. Ceasing to worry is only the first step. Ask yourself:

• What is the problem?

• What can I do to fix it?

• If there is nothing I can do to solve it myself, is there someone I can ask for help; even if it's just a listening ear?

Sometimes, having someone around who can listen to you talk about your issues, even if they are not offering any advice; can help you to sort things out. Never try to bear all of your burdens alone, if you don't have to. There is always someone who can either empathize, or sympathize with what you are going through.

Worrying is simply a reaction to the things we feel that it is beyond our control to handle. But the worrying, in itself, is something we can control. I believe that everything happens for a reason.. The reasons may be beyond what we humans can understand, but the lessons we learn in life are all for our own benefit. What doesn't kill us, can only make us stronger. We acquire endurance from pain. We learn more about ourselves with every trial we are faced with. Count it all joy when life becomes unpleasant. It is a new journey that someday soon we can look back on and say, "I got through that." This too, shall pass.

Until next time.

Enjoy this video. This was a big hit in the 80's. LOL. I find it very appropriate for today's subject.

How Do We View Forgiveness?

1/7/2019

Quotes for the day:

• "Forgiveness does not change the past; but it does enlarge the future." -- Paul Louis Boese

• "To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover that the prisoner was you." -- Lewis B. Smedes

• "Forgive others; not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace." -- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Hello again! Today, I am discussing a subject that is very important to the health of your heart.. Physically; and in a metaphorical sense. I feel that forgiveness is so necessary; yet, unfortunately, so under-practiced by our society. Lets talk about why this is. I will start with some questions that I'd like for you to ask yourself:

• How many people do you currently have grudges against? Why?

• Why haven't you forgiven this person/these people? Is it because you feel that they don't deserve your forgiveness?

• Is this person/are these people aware of how much hurt they've caused you? Have you told them how hurt you are from what they've done?

• How many people in your life have you hurt? Do you suspect that they have grudges held against you; whether it was the same person who offended you, as well?

Now that you have considered these things, here are some key points to remember:

• A grudge is always a burden you choose to bear. No one has asked you to hold the offense against this person; you have chosen to do that all on your own.

• We are all human, and we are all capable of making mistakes. It is very likely that you have hurt someone in your past; and that you are not aware of this.

• Refusing to forgive someone is almost equivalent to expecting them to be super-human.. Remember that some people act without thinking things through thoroughly; and you may have gotten hurt in the process of that.

• Forgiveness is not to be confused with trusting... Just because you forgive someone, doesn't mean you have to go on trusting them in the future; if you feel they are not deserving of it.

• Forgiveness is for the other person's benefit, but mostly for your own. A grudge is a burden that lies on your own shoulders. It keeps you in hurt feelings, and you remain unable to let go of the grief that came out of the wrongdoing.

• Forgiving someone is love. Love for yourself, and for them. Even if you do not feel that they deserve your love, that's all the more reason why they need it. Yourself included.

• Hurt comes in all sizes. Big hurt, little hurt; big offenses, small offenses... no matter what size they are, they are all forgivable. Do not equate the amount of hurt you've experienced with whether or not you will allow this person to be excused for their faults.

• Just because someone hurts you once, and you have forgiven their behavior that one time (or several times, for that matter), doesn't mean that you are excusing their future behavior as well. You can always make someone aware of how much hurt they have caused you, and you can also make them aware that you will not put up with any future offenses going forward.

• Forgiveness does not mean you have to stay in contact with the offender(s). Anyone who is toxic to your life should be removed immediately.

The best way, in my opinion, to forgive someone, is in a face to face encounter. This way, they are able to see firsthand the emotions that they have invoked in you; and you can inspire empathy or sympathy in them to feel your hurt. This will help them to better understand how they can avoid hurting you or others going forward. Communication is always key is every relationship. No one can read your mind. If they are not aware of how much they've hurt you, there is no way you can expect them to come to you to ask forgiveness.. And if you are waiting for them to, it may never happen. You can forgive someone, even if they haven't asked for it. If you do not feel comfortable forgiving someone face to face, it is still okay to do so in your own way. I suggest writing them a letter. If you feel comfortable sending it, then do. If not, just hold on to it. It is far better to hold onto the letter than to hold on to the grudge. At least you will have gotten the feelings off of your chest.

Another good way to get the feelings out is to write them in a journal. Expressing the hurt feelings is the main goal. What you do not want is to hold onto bitterness and resentment unnecessarily. But talking it out to the offender is the best way to get yourself heard; so that you can work on the improvement of your future relationship with them, and even with others.

Rejecting to forgive can sometimes have its way of working itself into your own future behavior with others. You could end up shutting other people out of your thoughts and feelings for them, simply by holding onto the ones you have for others. Only the offender is responsible for the hurt they have caused you; and you are responsible for letting go of it. Otherwise, you could risk hurting someone else by misplacing those feelings where they don't belong. Toxic behavior is contagious. Don't risk becoming a toxic person yourself by holding onto scars. An emotional scar cannot heal unless you allow it to... and it can spread if you don't contain it.

Try some empathy of your own. Put yourself in your offender's shoes. What might you have done instead? Is it possible that; in the same situation, you could have made the same mistake? Is it possible that you have made the same mistake with someone other than them; or close to it? How would you feel if they didn't forgive you? Some people could have experienced things in their lives that you are unaware of that have made them act or react differently than you to certain situations. Everyone has a past. Remember that no two people are the same; and you cannot expect someone to behave the same exact same way you would.

For those who are spiritual, here are some Bible verses to consider:

• "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

• "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

• "The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him." Daniel 9:9

• "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

• For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14

Remember, God will likely forgive your offender for their behavior. There is no reason why you should not be able to do the same.

To make a mistake is very, very easy.. To forgive one takes courage and strength. Once you have built up enough courage to face your offender, the weight has the capacity to be lifted. Remember that regret can hold onto you just as hard as you hold onto to a grudge. Let it go today. No matter which method feels most comfortable to you; release the excess baggage. It has no place in your heart anymore. Love with all of your heart, forgive with all of your soul, and do right by others... even if you are not a spiritual person; you will still feel all the better when you do.

I pray and hope that this helps you, and that you find the peace you so deserve.

Until next time.

How Do We View Faith?

1/3/2019

Quotes for the day:

• "Your faith can move mountains; and your doubt can create them." -- pinterest.com

• "Only in the darkness can you see the stars." -- iamfearlesssoul.com

• "Faith is like Wifi: it is invisible, but has the power to connect you to what you need." --weneedfun.com

• "Faith doesn't make sense; that's why it makes miracles." -- golfian.com

Good Day! I wanted to begin the new year with a blog subject that is very close to my heart. It is also something I have had a lot of trouble with.. as I'm sure many of you may have as well. The absence of faith in my life has caused me to come face to face with my impatience.. Let's take a look at the definition of "impatience:" /ˌimˈpāSHəns/ (noun) the tendency to be impatient; irritability or restlessness. "She crumpled up the pages in a burst of impatience."

Let's reflect on that... irritability.. restlessness.. These are the emotions we experience when we are so unclear about what the future holds for us. Being in a state of oblivion often leads us to become anxious; especially when our lives are at a point of confusion; or disarray. When things are not looking like we planned them to.. When it seems that we are surrounded by darkness; and we are unable to anticipate the arrival time of the light of day. We often lose hope; and we lose sight of faith that a new day will come when we will be rescued from our current circumstances. Doubt begins to set in; and inevitably, fear follows.

Let's go back to where I mentioned our plans. I heard a wise person say once that, "When man plans, God laughs." There is a lot of truth to that saying. It is in remembering this; that we are able to prepare ourselves for things not going the way we plan for them to, and to have a "plan B." But not in every circumstance, are we always able to plan ahead so efficiently, that we can be ready in case "plan B," or even "C" has to come into play; and even then, there is no guarantee that those additional plans we create for ourselves will succeed. And this is where faith must make its entrance.. But we must be willing to allow it to come in and overtake us in a way that thoroughly consumes us.

Imagine you are in the midst of a hostile situation... Where you are threatened by one thing or another; whether in your marriage, with your children, or your finances... something has revealed itself, and imperils to jeopardize the harmony that you are accustomed to with something that means the world to you... in other words, imagine that the worst that you can possibly visualize is about to come in and change your situation to its very worst scenario...

Your first reaction, as a human, is in all likelihood, to panic. And, let's be real... being in a state of panic never helps anything at all. Your "fight or flight" defense mechanisms set in, and you are now blinded by your own hysteria; on top of the madness that is happening. In this state of mind, it is very hard to remain calm... or is it?

Now imagine that same scenario; except the only difference is, your worry has been removed. Your mind enters into a state of serene tranquility. Imagine that every time the very worst possible situation actually does happen; that instead of reacting negatively, you feel a relaxed quietude overtake you completely... Bliss, right? I bet right now you're thinking to yourself, "If only that were possible.. If so, then what you don't know is, it really is possible.

I have gotten the impression from some people I know that total composure in a terrible circumstance is not a normal reaction. Some people have actually convinced themselves that, if you don't panic at a time when it seems that you should be, then something must be inherently wrong with you. But this is not nearly the case at all. It is actually possible to make stressful situations a friend to you... Because, at the end of the day, they will be. Stress teaches us endurance. It adds to our ability to handle it; much like the way that our bodies build up an intolerance to germs, the more we are exposed to them. So the more stress we come in contact with, the better we become at withstanding it.

I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are; or whether you believe that God is capable of taking your stress away; in fact there are some who may even believe that God is the cause of it. If you are in a place in your life where you are unsure about what God's actual portrayal in your life is, I do understand; however, I, myself believe that God is not responsible for our hardships; for it is the Evil one who is at the root of them, and it is God who delivers us. If you are spiritual, or even just curious about God's presence in your life, here are some Bible verses that may encourage you about His great intentions:

• "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11(This one is my favorite).

• "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

• Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

• “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

For those who are still at odds with God, or who have different beliefs, God is still with you, and this I truly believe... However, I totally understand that not everyone agrees that this is true. So, I have a video that helped me tremendously during a time when I was ready to give up hope on life entirely, that I would like to share with you. It is for all audiences. I hope and pray that it will help you in your times of need. Stress is a worldwide epidemic that we all experience, whether we'd like to or not. So, no matter how you handle hard times, just remember that you are always in control of your actions and reactions. How we react to stress does not have to be negative. We have the power to choose how we handle the things that come our way. Don't let it overtake you, as overwhelming as it may seem at times. Things can and will always get better. Don't lose heart, and most importantly, don't lose faith.

Until next time.

---

How Do We View "Soul Mates?"

12/31/2018

Good afternoon! It's the last day of the year, and my subject of choice today is how we view "soul mates." I chose this subject today because I presume that many of you are going into a new year anticipating a new beginning of sorts; and love may be on the horizon of your thoughts, hopes, and/or dreams, whether it be a new romantic experience, a current one, or simply, love for self. Let's take a closer look at how we are looking at that through our view today. Here are some quotes that I came upon regarding this subject which I felt were profound; and can lead us in our discussion:

• "People think a soul mate is a perfect fit; and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person that shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention; so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls, and smack you awake." -- Elizabeth Gilbert

• "'What's the difference?' I asked him, 'Between the love of your life and your soul mate?' 'One is a choice, and one is not.'" -- HPLYRIKZ.com

• "What we find in a soul mate is not something wild to tame, but something wild to run with." -- Robert Brault

Before we move into our discussion, let me interrupt your reading for a quick poll. I am interested to see how many of you believe in the concept of soul mates. Please take the poll below (scroll down to answer the questions) regarding your input on this subject. Your feedback is very important to me; as it will help me to get to know my reading audience better. I'd love to hear your answers regarding how you feel about the concept of a "soul mate."

(*Note* By scrolling to the bottom of the site above, you will also find access to my poetry and passion story sites. Enjoy your reading, and don't forget to take the survey to provide feedback on your reading experience!)

Now that we have that accomplished (thank you so much for your feedback!) Let's move on with our discussion...

Let's say you have someone currently in mind that you are trying to determine is a potential "soul mate," or a good match, for you. What are some things you would consider? Here are some things that would come to mind for me:

• Does the person's goals for the future align with mine?

• How do our conversations go? Do they seem to flow effortlessly? Do I lose track of time when I am talking with them, or do I wish the conversation would hurry up and end already?

• How did we meet? Was the right kind of "bait" used, if any? (I'll elaborate more on that question in a bit).

• Do we agree on a lot of the same issues, such as politics, world views, philosophies, or just life topics in general? (Such as how we feel about children, finances, religion, or other important aspects of life)?

• How much time to I spend with this person? Do I anticipate seeing or hearing from them, or do I secretly sometimes dread it?

• How many people do I have lined up as potential mates? Is there one in particular that stands out above all the rest? Why?

• Does this person sincerely seem to have my best interest at heart? Are their intentions for a relationship with me in line with my own?

• Did I have a motive behind my pursuit of a relationship? If so, did it cause me to place false hope in a person who didn't necessarily deserve all of my attention and focus?

• Do we have a lot in common?

• Am I at a point in my life where I am healing; allowing my own patience for love to find me; or am I trying too hard to fill an empty space?

• On a scale of 1-10 at this time in my life, how important is having a mate?

• How comfortable am I with my solitude at this moment?

• How much time have I spent lately reflecting on my own wants and needs?

• Has this person said or done anything that has particularly made me think of him as a lifetime prospective mate?

OK... back to the 3rd question regarding "bait." I'll shed some light on that. What I mean is, was the situation that we met under good or bad circumstances? Was my behavior and environment of a positive nature when we met; which could have easily affected his first impression of me? I mean... I wasn't like... drunk at a bar, with my inhibitions compromised, was I? (LOL) That, for me, makes a huge difference, not only for what he sees me as, but that would also affect what I think of him for having entertained me during a lowly state... If you get my drift.

Now, back to the other questions. Keep these in mind going forward. These are awesome ways to tell if someone makes a great fit for you... I don't know about a "soul mate," but certainly someone whom you can make a secure connection with.

Moving on... I will tell you what I believe where soul mates are concerned. My answer is no, I do not believe there is one person on earth who meets all of the criteria of my perfect mate... I believe there can be several. After all, people change, evolve, and go through different developments and adjustments with the altitudes of life... So there is never any certainty that whom you consider to be "perfect" for you, would be "perfect" for you throughout your life. I don't know about you, but I've grown spiritually, emotionally, and mentally... and that was all from having been with someone whom I had believed was my soul mate once, but l eventually learned he was not... but what I gained from that learning experience made me who I am today. And I am in love with that person. (Me, that is).

My opinion is that "soul mate" is a dreamy, mythical term that someone created in hopes that that kind of thing really exists... when, in truth, love itself is only what you make of it. You usually get out of a relationship whatever amount of effort is contributed. Trust, compassion, empathy, reliability... These are things that are necessary in both parties for a peaceful union. Your reactions to what the other person provides to you, and vice versa. Keep yourself open for love; allow yourself to be vulnerable to a reasonable extent, so that your mate can see everything there is to know about you, and decide how they feel about it; and make sure that they are open enough with you so that you can do the same... (but try not to do it during a period of healing from a bruised heart. That could potentially set you back. If you read my last entry regarding healing, then you know my thoughts on that).

One more thing I find very important to mention is this: you can also BE your own "soul mate." Who says that having a partner is your destiny, or even your desire? Some people are completely satisfied not having one, and are all the better for it. I am starting to believe that this is my own future... I'm unsure at the moment whether it will be by choice, sometimes it gets forced on you, but that isn't always a bad thing. As long as you don't feel that your life is missing any pieces that could only be gained from partnership; you'll be just fine. Which is what gives me optimism... I feel fantastic when I'm in solitude. It's great for a writer... We love that stuff. Such peace and concentration. Well, enough about me...

Going into the new year, I wish you all the best that love and life have to offer you. May you be blessed beyond your wildest dreams with happiness and contentment. I love seeing other people succeed... And if you go back to the entry entitled, "How We View Success," you'll remember that contentment = success. So I pray that you will be content in all of the aspects of your lives.

See you next year!!

Until next time!

---

How Do We View Healing?

12/30/2018

Today, I have 3 quotes that I absolutely felt it necessary to share in regards to this subject:

• "As you are shifting, you will begin to realize that you are not the same person you used to be, the things you used to tolerate have now become intolerable. Where you remained quiet, you are now speaking your truth. Where you once battled and argued, you are now choosing to remain silent. You are beginning to understand the value of your voice, and there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy and focus." --Fuckology

• "Don't hold on because you think there will be no one else. There will always be someone else. You've got to believe you are worth more than being repeatedly hurt by someone who doesn't really care, and believe that someone will see what you are really worth; and treat you the way you should be treated." -- Quotes and Thoughts

• "Until you heal your past, your life patterns and relationships will continue to be the same; it's just the faces that change." -- B Grace Jones

Healing can be the hardest part of getting fresh out of a relationship. Some of us are even capable of hindering our own healing processes... Sometimes inadvertently, sometimes even consciously. The most important thing to remember about healing is that we all have our own personal ways of doing so. This entry is meant to serve you by exploring the healthiest ways to get over a relationship; and find yourself again.

First, let's explore the processes which you may have used in the past; or if this is the first healing experience you've encountered; then, the ways that you may have seen others go about attempting to heal. Some heal better with company around them; and others may feel that healing is a personal experience better handled in solitude.. I, personally believe it depends on the person. The road you take to recovery could also be dependent upon how severe the break-up was. This can be key in deciding which is more appropriate; healing alone, or with a partner involved. In choosing to allow someone to help you get through this hard time, here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:

• Are you most comfortable healing without assistance, or do you feel you need a support system?

• Is the person you are considering to assist you with your healing process very supportive of you?

• Are they potentially there to begin a "rebound" relationship with you?

• How sincere do you feel their friendship is to you? Scale it between 1-10.

• Do they seem to be trying to rush you into the recovery process; or are they patient with the amount of time it may take you to get there?

• Is their motive simply to provide a shoulder to lean on when you need it; or do you suspect there are ulterior motives involved (such as their pursuit of a new romance with you)?

• If you do suspect that they may be secretly interested in pursuing a romantic situation with you; do you feel comfortable with moving on so soon?

• If so, do you see a repeating pattern from your last relationship developing, or any signs that this person may not be very different from the one who caused you hurt? Or do you see something much more positive in the possibility of a romance blooming between you?

• What kind of history (if any) have you had with relationships that began as "rebound" situations?

• Have you ever been a victim of "pasting syndrome?" (I'll provide some insight on what that is in a few).

Now, let's explore solo healing. Here are some questions for you to ask yourself in that scenario as well:

• Do you have a hobby or a favorite past-time that serves as a therapeutic and enjoyable way to occupy your time?

• Do you have any projects, goals, or plans that you had originally put off for reasons that involved the relationship you just got out of?

• Do you feel eager to accomplish anything that may have been inadvertently forgotten about during the course of your relationship? (I.e. You used to knit, play tennis, or read your favorite magazines; but stopped while you were with that person; for one reason or another)?

• Do you make better decisions in general by yourself, or with the help of another?

• Does your sadness usually take you to a place of deep regret, depression, or worse? If so, what helped you recover? Was it yourself, or others?

• In the past, have any suggestions or advice regarding love from others ever benefited you in an unforgettable way? Was it positive or negative?

• Do you feel sadness to the point that you are not able to perform daily activities?

If you answered these questions, and your impression of yourself is that you feel healthy enough in your sadness to heal in solitude, make sure that you are not at risk of sliding into a state of deep depression that could lead you to harming yourself or others; or having suicidal thoughts. Any sadness; whether love is at the root cause of it or not, is capable of taking you to a mental state of hopelessness. If you don't feel you meet that profile; then healing in solitude may be best for you; especially if you do not feel that being around others provides you any assistance that you wouldn't be capable of providing for yourself.

However; if you have answered these questions, and feel that a support system is absolutely necessary for your healing process; then take into consideration the person that you will potentially be sharing it with.. Are you looking for a friend, or a potential lover? If you only feel you need a friend, is this person attracted to you; or you to them? If so, it may be dangerous to allow them to participate in your healing; as they could distract you from what you really need, which is to restore; not to jump in to another potential relationship before you are ready to do so.

If you do feel that you are ready to pursue another relationship just as quickly as the last one ended; try exploring your motives for that... Is it possible that you are only afraid of being alone; and not that this person; whomever they may be, is actually right for you? You should always take some time to get to know a person better before pursuing anything romantic with them; but if this is a person that you have known for an extended period of time; you feel comfortable with them, and may have even been thinking a while about what it might be like to be in a relationship with them; still proceed with caution. It is still possible that this person does not share your feelings, and you could get hurt twice in a row.

Now, let's talk about what I'd like to call, "Pasting Syndrome."

This is when you have a history of "pasting over" one relationship to get to the next. For example, you end one relationship, and go right into another, then another, then another; without actually taking the time to allow yourself to mend in between. Does this sound like you? If so, and you are currently at the end of a relationship as we speak, you may want to consider slowing yourself to a complete stop on this one. This goes back to quote number 3 posted above. You may have noticed that you keep falling for the same kind of person over and over again, or that the problems you have faced in each relationship haven't been much different.. If this is the case, it's possible that you haven't really taken time to get to know yourself and your own personal needs before proceeding to the next relationship.. in which case, it is now high time you did. Healing, by definition, goes like this:

/ˈhēliNG/ noun 1. The process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.

If you have any hopes of remaining in a sound and healthy state of mind where love is concerned, it is imperative that you take some curative time before "pasting" another relationship as a notch on your belt.

Going back to the other quotes listed above, let's also explore those before we come to a close today. The #2 quote has affected me personally the deepest of the 3. I held on like crazy to one person for years on end; and it was because of a deeply felt belief that I would not nor could not find anyone who could ever replace that person's presence in my life. I have now come to realize that this was only something I had thoroughly managed to convince myself of, and its effects were profoundly negative. I had consciously and deliberately closed myself off from any future possible chances at romance with another person; and I may have possibly missed out on many great people who might have been potential matches. I am even guilty of sabotaging potential relationships while they were in the friendship stage; and I killed off the friendships... This is potentially self-destructive behavior. But, for me, fortunately, it did turn out for the best; because I was also at risk of "Pasting Syndrome." Now I have taken giant steps back away from love, because my healing will take much more time than I had originally anticipated. I suggest that you take time to determine how long you believe your process of healing may take. Don't rush yourself by any means whatsoever; but do try to have a general idea whether you believe the process will take a longer period based on how much damage you feel you have suffered. If you feel it will take a while, try to refrain from any potential love interest entering your life. It can happen with or without your participation; but if it does happen to without your even trying, then, at least make sure you are ready before making any big moves. The right person will be okay with waiting for your healing process to be completed; and they will make it a priority.

Overall, healing is a process that will remind you of your strengths. It will place a mirror to your face, and force you to deal with the things about yourself that you are willing to endure, the ways in which you've endured hurt, the things you will and will not; or can or cannot accept from someone. It will make you face your deepest fears, bring out the best in you, and make you want to see that person every day. It should also remind you that the right person for you (should you even choose to go forward into another romantic situation in the future; as it is always an option to choose to be single), will be an extension of you; someone whose personal traits seem to complement or complete yours. Never allow yourself to settle for any less than that. You always deserve to be loved the right way. Never give your energy and/or time to anything or anyone that makes you feel hurt more than you feel anything else.

The next topic on the menu I will be discussing love on the horizon, and how we view what one might call a "Soul Mate." I look forward to talking with you about it.

Below is a YouTube video song that I felt was suitable for today's topic. Maybe you've been there. I know I have. Enjoy!

Until next time.

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How Do We View When To Move On From Past Hurt?

12/26/2018

Quote for the day: "I focused so hard on what I wanted, that I lost sight of what I deserved."

-- Curiano.com

Love is a beautiful thing... So beautiful, in fact; that we humans have such a difficult time letting go of those who have probably spent more time in our lives than they should. We hold onto the things that we love, even when they cease to feel good to us anymore... And we sometimes end up wondering why we make such poor decisions in situations like these... Even when we know that choosing the option that actually makes the most sense; is not usually the way we proceed where love is concerned.

Ironically; the hardest part for me, personally, was not letting go; but knowing when to.

There is a critical difference between a relationship that has just hit a couple of snags; and a relationship that needs to end as soon as possible. Here are some ways you can differentiate which one you could be involved in.

Signs of a stagnant relationship that just needs a bit of work:

• You can still see yourself spending all or most of your life with this person.

• You both feel that there is something small, yet significant missing, but neither of you is able to identify what it is.

• The differences you have had lately seem easily resolvable with a little more willingness to compromise.

• Your immediate outside responsibilities or circumstances (such as work, children, or other commitments) seem to be the only thing stopping you from feeling a closer connection; or reaching your short-term relationship goals.

• The ballpark number of regrets you have regarding the relationship are very minimal in comparison with the amount of time you've been together.

• You feel like you just need some space to sort out the things you need to deal with on your own; whether it involves them or not.

If these sound similar to your circumstances, it is very likely that you could benefit from counseling; or even a very long talk to get things back on track. A little communication goes a very long way; and if both parties have serious intentions on ensuring that the relationship remains intact, then these issues could still possibly be worked out with some effort, dedication, and devotion.

However; there are also some very explicit ways to determine whether it really is time to get out of a relationship... When it has the potential to damage you or someone else in ways that can be extremely difficult to recover from.

Signs that a relationship may be near its inevitable end:

• Mutual appreciation for one another begins to decline.

• The differences you share begin to increase in number.

• The feeling that you are both growing apart; and your individual desires are becoming disparate.

• The communication between you is at an all time low; either you experience more instances of the "silent treatment," or you are barely speaking, even when you're sharing time. (With the exception of "comfortable silence, that is).

• Either or both of you seem to take less interest in the needs, wants, or consideration of each other's feelings, or reactions to the things you say and/or do.

• Either or both of you fails to hear each other out when you are trying to get to the root of the issues through conversation.

• If temptation arises for infidelity, either or both of you are feeling more susceptible to it.

• Feeling that you are not able to easily discuss the issues that are happening between you with your significant other; but feeling more comfortable discussing it with someone outside of the relationship.

• Dreading being in your significant other's presence; for fear of conflict or an argument ensuing; and feeling this way a lot more often than usual.

• Intimacy; whether physical or otherwise; feels unnatural, or inappropriate; and this is an atypical feeling for one or both of you.

• You are at odds with one another much more often than you actually agree.

• There is physical or emotional abuse. (In this case, there is help for you. Contact: https://www.thehotline.org/blog/get-help-today/)

If these telltale signs are taking place in your relationship; it may definitely be time to move on. (If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please leave the situation immediately). Unfortunately, irreconcilable differences do arise from time to time, and it is extremely important to be able to recognize when it is happening before any emotional or physical damage is done. After all, love is supposed to be beautiful... It should never, ever make you feel badly. If you are more miserable staying in the relationship with your significant other than than you would be if you were in solitude, then it's probably a very good idea if you choose that route instead.

My prayers are always with you all. I hope that love finds you, and keeps you; in the way that God does. He always loves you, no matter what... And anyone that you spend any significant amount of time with should feel the same way about you that He does. You are beautiful. You deserve love. You deserve happiness. Never allow a person to take away your peace.

While we are on the subject of peace, the next entry will be in regards to healing... being able to move past a relationship that has caused damage. If you have been; or are currently in this situation, I can definitely relate. I look forward to talking with you about it.

Until next time.

Just below is a video that I have found to be very helpful for Christian relationships; and Patrick Doyle, a marriage counselor, speaks on how to determine whether you are in an "unsafe relationship." Whether or not you are a Christian, there are some very good points made in this video that can guide you. Enjoy!

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How Do We View Love?

12/23/2018

Quote for the Day: "Love is not "if" or "because;" love is "anyway, 'even though,' and 'in spite of."

--Unknown

This is a subject that I once blogged on this site about in the past; however, the difference today is, rather than on a personal note, today it may benefit you personally as well. I certainly hope I am able to provide some insight on the love situation(s) you may be dealing with currently, or just need some time to reflect on.

As we may all have heard someone say at one time or another in our lives, it is very difficult to love another person without loving yourself first. I'll be honest... Up until now, with my most recent experience, this saying was completely lost on me. The reason for that is; in the past, I have felt very capable of loving someone outside of myself without taking myself under very much consideration; so, I couldn't for the life of me understand what that meant... I equated it with love of the unconditional sort... the kind that doesn't require precise reciprocity. I had always felt that; as long as I felt that they were somewhat appreciative that I loved them, I could love us both enough for two people... I came to realize the hard way that this is a very, very dangerous way to go into, or maintain a serious relationship or a marriage.

Individuality, which is also a subject of one of my previous blog entries, is so detrimental to possess before taking on another person in your life to partner with. Having your own sense of who you are, what you want, and what makes you happy. Having a good viewpoint of these things about your own self is absolutely necessary in determining whether another person will make a good fit for you. You must have a sense of self... Otherwise, you will risk allowing that person; whether inadvertently or not, to provide you with a persona you never actually requested... and eventually even possibly convince you into accepting it for yourself. This is where hurt and resentment begin to build. Over time, you could could end up becoming someone you don't recognize, and when you finally do realize who you really are or desire to be, your significant other may begin to cease recognizing whom you have become, and may even accuse you of not being the person they fell in love with... when, in actuality, you just aren't the person that they themselves helped to create. This is never your fault; but you do have a contribution to that scenario if you had never come into the relationship with your own personality from the start.

Another love quote I've come across recently goes like this:

"True love is about giving everything and expecting nothing."

--Loveablequote.com.

This one is particularly easy to misconstrue. I have made the mistake myself of loving so selflessly, that I actually really did forget myself. Please... do not ever, ever make this mistake. When you do, you can end up losing sight of your self-worth. Your worth can only be determined by yourself. No one has the ability to add nor subtract from it. And that is why it is so important to have a clear standpoint of what that is before you allow someone to attempt entering into a serious relationship with you. The correct way to define the aforementioned quote is to see it as such: It is possible to say nice things to a person, perform acts of service for them, or give them gifts without any expectation... but the love ITSELF should always be reciprocated... Otherwise, it is not a "relationship" at all; but rather, an unfair arrangement. Here are some examples to look for in your current, or possibly upcoming courtships:

• Anything positive that you do for your significant other should be something that you know they would have no hesitation with returning the favor; unless, of course, it is something that they have previously made clear to you that they are not comfortable with, for whatever reason.

• When that person describes the things they enjoy about you as an individual, (whether to you, or to someone else), they should be mentioning things that you are already familiar with in yourself; especially before your having met them.

• When you look into their proverbial eyes, there should be a reflection like a mirror... you should be seeing all of the wonderful things you see in yourself reflected back at you through their view of you as well. They should appreciate you for who you are, and not for who they wish you were, or would like you to be.

• The person you are with should make you feel completely comfortable in your own skin. You should never feel as though, if you acted a different way, or looked a different way; that they would be more pleased with you.

• Your significant other should be a complement to you as a person. They should fall right in line with you and what you represent. Your views (at least a good amount of them) should be aligned; not necessarily with politics or philosophies; but rather, with your goals, morals, children, living situations, and how you plan to spend your time together. These things are extremely important to agree on when planning to spend an unspecified amount of time together in a relationship with someone.

• You should always feel comfortable taking to them about any subject. Nothing should be off limits. 99% of a successful relationship is borne out of communication. No disagreements can be resolved without it, and no one can read your mind, nor can you read theirs. Keep the lines of communication open at all times.

Whether you have yet to begin a long, significant, and meaningful relationship with someone, or you are in a current relationship that has become or is becoming stagnant and/or stale, here are some suggestions before moving forward:

• Make a list of things you value about yourself that you feel are important for your special someone to recognize in you; with no necessary limit to the amount of criteria on that list. Reflect about whether you have ever met someone who has valued these things in you, or if your current S/O does. If they do not, or have not, and you are in a current relationship, sit down with them and communicate about it openly.

• Discuss your mutual intentions with one another. Do they intend to see you happy, no matter what it takes (within reason)? Are they willing to stay by your side when things get rough? Do they have exceptions with situations that could arise where they would no longer be a willing participant in the continuation of their commitment to you? These are things you should always be aware of; so that you can compromise, if necessary, if that situation does happen to rear its ugly head. Make sure that they are aware of your personal limitations as well.

If you are currently in a stagnant or stale relationship; reflect and consider the ways that may have caused it to reach this point. Have you taken these steps into consideration in the past? Communication is always key. It doesn't have to end, and not all differences are irreconcilable. As long as there are two people willing to love one another through outside circumstances, there is always a chance it can work.

If you are single and still seeking a meaningful relationship, take time and solitude to find your inner-self. You are in a more fortunate position; because you still have the space to determine your self-worth before introducing it to someone else. Just be very careful once you are in the relationship never to lose sight of what it is. Remind yourself constantly that you are worth love; the unconditional sort; the kind that reciprocity comes with. You are beautiful. That goes for those who are single, as well as those who are not. If the other person doesn't recognize that, it may be time for you to move on.

Speaking of moving on... one of the next subjects I will be discussing is just that; how to move on from a relationship that doesn't deserve any more of your further participation; and how to know when enough is enough. I look forward to speaking with you about that soon. Below is a YouTube video that I felt was a song that is fitting for today's subject. I hope you enjoy it.

Until next time.

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How Do We View Positivity?

12/22/2018

Quote for the day: "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone to create many ripples."

-- Mother Theresa

Good day to you! I would like to start this blog with a particular observation I made recently.

One day, I was doing a favor for a friend, by walking her dog for her. I noticed that each dog that passed our way coming from the opposite direction began a "conversation" with my friend's dog... one that was quite obviously negative. They instantly began to bark at one another... and I couldn't help but to wonder why a dog's first reaction to another is one of instant opposition. What is it that is going through their minds when they witness each other's presence? What is the reason for the animosity; right at first sight? They were hostile immediately... and it also made me wonder if a dog's psyche is affected by such bitterness on an every day basis...

And this brought me to realize how humans can act so much like like dogs sometimes.

For some, remaining positive is a daily struggle; and for many different reasons. There are many circumstances which would bring a person to act with malevolence first; rather than to act in a considerate manner, first and foremost. It could be a person's upbringing, their surroundings, or they may have never been accustomed to a positive environment. Unfortunately, for some, positivity has to be a learned behavior. And this is my focus for today's entry.

Think of positivity as an airborne disease with no cure that you constantly carry around. You are contagious with your attitude; no matter whether it is positive or negative. Have you ever heard the expression that a smile or a yawn is contagious? Positive and negative attitudes work exactly the same way.

With this "contagious disease," you carry power... the power to affect others around you. Ask yourself this question... Do you actually enjoy undesirable surroundings? Do you ever wake up each day and say to yourself, "Wow... I think today I will go and seek out negative people to be around so that I can soak up their misery?" Of course not, right? So it is very important to remember the power that you hold within. You yourself can help change the world, one person at a time. It always begins with self. I'll tell you a little story I heard once. It may be a bit off from the original; and I'm not sure of the exact words, but here goes:

There once was an old man and a little boy. The old man said to the little boy, "Inside of every person on earth, there is a wolf and a lamb engaging in a battle." To this statement, the little boy replied, "Grandfather, which one wins?" And the old man replied, "Whichever one you feed."

This story is very significant to attitude. The moral, (if you haven't gotten it yet, that is), goes back to what I mentioned a moment ago about the power you harness within. You always have a choice to make. Imagine that the wolf lives on one of your shoulders; and the lamb lives on the other. The lamb constantly encourages you to remain in good spirits; while the wolf seeks to devour others around you... always hungry; always ravenous for adversity. You end up feeding the wolf each time you make the common misconception that others can be responsible for the way you react to the things happening around you, or the words that are spoken to you. NO ONE is in control of your actions or reactions except you... And not every action made on the part of another person deserves a reaction. It is always possible to have no reaction whatsoever... which means walking away entirely. For some people, and in some cases; this reaction in itself is completely necessary. The most likely scenario is that you know yourself best; and if walking away from a negative situation is the best way to avoid conflict, then you should consider taking that route the most often.

However; there does exist a much more sanguine alternative to walking away completely in order to avoid negative confrontation... And that is, in becoming contagious with your own communicable, contagious " airborne disease."

Imagine you sneeze, and instead of the normal result; which is to possibly infect someone with your condition, it causes them to smile instead? Or, what if you yawn, and instead of someone else being inclined to yawn as well; you change their whole day for the better? This contagious behavior; when applied to the concept of attitude, can go so much farther than you have ever thought possible.

In my many years of a career centered around customer service work, I have learned many tactics which have made me better at dealing with people on a daily basis. This is very challenging work; because you never know what kind of attitudes to expect from people on a daily basis... Some may be disgruntled from product or service dissatisfaction; while others may walk into the establishment in an awesome mood; for whatever reason. In this, I have learned two very important things:

• Sincere generosity in your dealings with people inspires them to trust you; and to make them feel comfortable and welcome in your presence.

• How your day goes is always up to you... I'll elaborate on this one a bit further. When you come home from your day, or run across a friend or family member who says something to you at the day's end, such as, "How was your day today?" If you feel you had a bad day, your immediate thought probably goes right to the person whom you feel gave you the hardest time... and you promptly begin talking about how that person had ruined the day for you... Trust me, I've done the same thing many times. But think about that one again... What are some things that you yourself could have done to make that experience work out the opposite way for you, or at least; improve the outcome of that encounter?

Starting With Self:

Here are some suggestions on how you can do what I call, "Begin Within."

• One example I have is; in my work in telephone communications, I was always reminded to "smile through the phone." At first, this sounded like a dead notion to me... How can a smile be appreciated if it isn't seen? It really can. Just as body language can be detected and not heard, smiling can be heard, yet not seen... and I have had many encounters where I was able to hear someone's mood in their voice. If at any time you encounter this with anyone; whether by phone or face to face, it can be a great opportunity to brighten a person's day. In my work, of course, it was especially important to gain the trust and repeat business of the customer; but this theory is complementary with every day dealings with people in life as well.

• At night before bed, consider writing a list of things that would make you smile if someone else did them for you. Call it, "Considerate Gestures." Make a list of at least 10 things. That should cover the course of a whole day; but you don't necessarily need to try to accomplish each thing with someone starting out the first time: take it slow. The first day, try two of those things on your list on two separate complete strangers, and the same two things on two separate loved ones in your life. See how much of a difference it makes from the previous day, and then try two more from your list the next day. Then repeat daily. Be careful not to be inappropriate, though... Hugging a total stranger could be taken the wrong way. (LOL)

• Think of activities you do regularly that put you in a great mood; for example, listening to an uplifting song. (I have one here at the bottom of this blog entry that always works for me, I suggest trying it). Make it a point to keep that song in your head throughout your entire day. It helps if the song has lyrics that encourage you to say or do something nice; or make you feel like you're on top of the world. It's a superb way to stay in a great mood, regardless of your surroundings; because no one has the ability to take away what is inside of your head.

• Let's say someone has a terrible attitude with you during your day that you have done absolutely nothing to deserve... How do you deal with a situation like this without it affecting you? Look them directly in their eyes, place your hand on their shoulder, and say this phrase: "You seem upset. Is there anything I can do to help make it better for you?" There will be one of two reactions: 1). They will be "feeding their wolf," so, even though they know that you are sincerely concerned with trying to help them, they will continue their hostility toward you, and make a snappy comment; or, 2). they will appreciate that someone actually cared enough to ask. If you suspect they are feeding their wolf, rather than their sheep; remember that whatever is wrong couldn't possibly be your fault, if you have done nothing to deserve their unpleasant treatment. Keep that in mind... and it will remind you that there is no reason for you to become upset at them in return. Next, give them a facial expression that says, "I'm so sorry you're hurting." You may even try a small simultaneous pat on the their back. Then, say something along the lines of, "It'll be ok." Keep the tone of your voice down to a calm, minimal level, even if they are enraged and yelling. Do this until you feel you have at least taken the edge off of their aggression. Then proceed to help them out however you can. Chances are, at the end of that encounter, they will end up feel badly for having treated you the way they did; while you feel better; not only for having solved their problem or easing their anger, but for having made your own environment less hostile on your own.

• Last, but definitely not least; make it a daily goal to "feed your lamb." Pretend that the wolf; with its voracious appetite, has devoured all of the lamb's food for the day. You feel sorry for the lamb, because it is starving, and sickly looking as a result. The only thing that will make it feel better is eating your positive vibes. Pretend also that it is whispering in your ear, saying something like, "Be nice. If you don't, I will surely perish." (LOL) Don't kill your lamb by allowing it to starve. Be contagious. Be considerate. Tell someone to have a great day. Wink at a small child and grin. Help an elderly person with a heavy load to carry. Do a chore for someone to give them one less thing to do that day... Say please and thank you... the magic words never go unappreciated. And always be respectful. Respect must be given in order to be earned. Never be too shy to be the initiator. It can go a long, long way.

Until next time. (My YouTube video suggestion for good vibes is just below):

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How Do We View Trials?

12/20/2018

If you're going through anything similar at all to what is my current situation, then trials are; or have been, a huge deal... Forcing you to really ponder how to get through them. Sometimes, life has its way of pushing you down, dragging you through the dirt, and showing you its uncertainty in all of its nakedness; all at once. It's extremely difficult when one situation has taken you down; and then you run into another, and then another... and yet, another one after that... What do we do when life has seemingly sent a tornado through our lives, and we have little or no tools available to clean up all of the aftermath? How do we get through the horrible times in life without losing faith in ourselves, a higher power, or the future itself?

Patience.

The word itself; I'll be honest, makes me impatient just hearing it being spoken aloud. Every time I hear it, I am reminded that I have to be still and wait for something or someone... And who likes to wait for anything? It's so much easier when you can see the end of that something; whatever it may be, in clear view... For example; when you are at the supermarket, waiting in a long line... you can see where it ends, and that gives you a bit of ease, even though it still means you have to wait until it becomes your turn in line.

But what about the times when your life resembles more of a Black Friday line outside of Best Buy? Or Wal Mart? When the line is all the way down the street, past the point where you can see where it began? How do you have patience when there is nothing telling you that this will end easily?

I know it's a very difficult thing to accept; knowing that your patience feels like it is in vain... But it is so, very necessary. Baby steps take longer... but always remember one thing... you are still constantly moving.

When you rush something; anything, really; you always run the risk of ruining it. An immaculate work of art... usually takes time. All things that end with a beautiful result take patience... as well as careful planning. You must not lose hope. Stay focused on the desired result; no matter how cloudy it may seem at the time, and things will more than likely turn out in your favor. If it helps you, retrace your steps for how you got to this terrible situation to begin with... what mistakes were made? How could this have been avoided? Be very careful not to repeat these mistakes... ever. Use your past to help guide you in your future. What things would you, or could you, have done differently? Make note of them. Do it literally, so you can see with crystal clarity where you might have gone wrong. A journal can be very handy for this. Start writing one (if you haven't already) on the day things have gotten so far out of control, that you have no idea where to go next. Eventually, after a few days of recording these events, you will see a lot more clearly than you were seeing when you were completely blindsided by those trials. Don't ever let it get you so far down, that you don't want to go on... there is always hope... the only time there isn't, is when you lose it voluntarily.

My prayers and thoughts are always with you, my faithful readers. You are definitely not alone. I hope and pray that my words have assisted you today with whatever it is you're going through.

Until next time.

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What's Next?

August 28th, 2018

If you're anything like me, you've been coasting through life; letting it hit you where the sun don't shine some days, others; just trying to make it through. Survival of the fittest, right? That's no way to live.

Think about it. I know you're busy, probably the majority of your week consists of work, maybe kids, spouse... Life is so much more work when there are other people's opinions and lives to consider alongside your own. But this, right now... Let's pretend that this is your time.

If you have the time to read this blog entry, then hopefully, you have time to consider this quick experiment: Grab a pen and pad. Number the paper from 1-3. For number one, write, "career." For #2, write, "hobby." For ##, write, "Leisure." This is assuming you are in a dead end job, or at least, one that doesn't fulfill you as much as you'd like; and also assuming you don't get much time to yourself lately.

Next step: After #1, Career, put a dash, and what career you would choose if you had nothing stopping you from the pursuit of it. For #2, Hobby, put a dash, and any hobby you've either stopped doing and never went back to that you enjoyed once; or one that you have considered, and never had the time to try. For #3, Leisure, put a dash, and any activity that relaxes you... reading a magazine, taking a bath, etc.

Look over your list. If you have a spouse or significant other, suggest they try this as well. This is a good conversation starter for you to discuss things that may have been put on the back-burner for awhile. You can help each other achieve these things at your own pace; maybe even set a time this week or next week to do at least the hobby or the leisure activity. As far as the career goes, look into what steps would need to be taken to achieve this dream of yours. Take very small steps to begin to make it happen. For many, a hobby can become, or lead to, a career. So, if you have yet to decide what you'd really like to do for a career in the future, perhaps your hobby could provide some insight on that for you; as long as it's reasonable from a financial standpoint. That's something you and your significant other could also discuss. 

The moral of this story is, life is way too short to work, and then, essentially, die. The bills needs to be paid, the mortgage, or the rent... But when you work together, you can make it happen. If you're single, you probably have even less obstacles to stop you from achieving your goals; because you don't have very many people to consider in that equation, unless you have children. But jut remember.. Anything is possible. Achieving happiness and comfort in your life is the most important thing you can do.. Even more important than paying bills. Your new career can likely help you do that, anyway. 

Don't sell yourself short in this life. Feel free to change the choices I provided on your list to things like love; for instance, if you're still looking for a special someone to share life with, and think about how you can make that happen as well. The objective is to make yourself as happy as possible as soon as you possibly can. Really consider how long you feel it may take you to accomplish each goal, and place the list on the refrigerator under a magnet, or tape it to a mirror, so that you don't put it off.

Be happy. Do it for yourself, and for me.

Until next time.

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Does A Watched Pot Boil After All? A Methophorical View of Taking Someone for Granted

August 22nd, 2018

Hello, again! It's been awhile since my last post. I am just very glad to be writing again. I recently had some thoughts regarding relationships,m and how easy it can be to fall into what most people would call a "rut," for lack of a better word; and how this can so suddenly make you take someone for granted... or for it to unwittingly be done to you. This blog is metaphorical look at how this can happen. Please, be my guest, and read on.

Being taken for granted can be just as under the radar as the act itself being committed towards you. Speaking of the word, “committed,” the offended person who is being taken for granted can be so committed to their offender, that they don’t even realize they should be offended. In cases like these, one can assume that the act of taking that person for granted becomes irrelevant; if the offended person ceases to acknowledge that crime.. This is a recipe for disaster; brewing in a large boiling pot with a heavy lid on it. It will take the offended to actually become capsized enough to blow that lid off with their pregnable feelings; which must also become bruised; in order for them to be au fait of their own contempt. Oftentimes, in these situations, the boiling pot can appear to simmer quietly from the outside; because the lid (figuratively representing the capitulation of the offended) has not been sufficiently provoked enough by its contents to detonate. Therefore, the undisturbed pot of boiling water may be aware of its own temperature; and even aware of its own constant state of simmering; yet it has no outside source to remind it of how the constant state of building momentum on the inside is affecting it.. On the other side of this scenario is the offender...

The offender is represented as the preparer of the pot of boiling water. Must we assume that the preparer of the pot is neglectful of his duties pertaining to the simmering pot? Is he too self-involved to check on its contents? Has he become preoccupied with some other preparation that is completely unrelated to this pot in particular? Let’s say that another member of that same kitchen has their own pot to tend to as well, but comes along and checks on this pot; just out of curiosity. They remove the lid, stir the water, and replace the lid; which delays the water from its presumingly inevitable escalation to boiling status, and the lid’s very possible trajectory from the pot. If the original preparer of this pot continues his neglectful behavior of it, then he is never even aware that an outside preparer has come along and tended to his pot for him.. So when he finally does return to it, his assumption will be that he has been doing a fine job of attending to his duties; and will then likely proceed to take all credit for the contingency of the pot. Thus; assuming that he also has ample time before he needs to check the pot again, and will then proceed with procrastination where the pot is concerned.  The other party which came in with curiosity for the state of the pot can be represented as a caring friend, or even a potential replacement for the original preparer.  Overall, the point to be made is this: The simmering pot has no cognizance of its own inherent ability to escalate into detonation; unless it becomes affected by an outside source, which threatens to admonish it, whether gently or forcefully. For example, if the 3rd party had instead come along and increased the heat under the boiling pot to the highest possible setting, the original procrastinating preparer would only have become aware that the pot had been disturbed once the lid had blown off completely. (This would be if the 3rd party had admonished the pot forcefully, rather than gently). The original preparer; prior to this action on behalf of the 3rd party, had an exaggerated viewpoint of his non-existent aptitude to care for his duties watching the pot. All in all, this puts both the pot and the preparer at odds. The preparer should have been more attentive to his duties; yet the pot never blew up, so the preparer was even more unaware that he should have been paying more attention. If you are the pot in this scenario, you might consider blowing up, just to shake things up. If you are the preparer, then remember that; while the saying goes, “A watched pot never boils,” perhaps you may want to pay very close attention to it just to be on the safe side.

Until next time.

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Putting Your View Into Perspective

May 19th, 2013

perspective [ per-spek-tiv ] pp. of perspicere "inspect, look through," from per-"through" +  specere "look at" definition #1: the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship: Your data is admirably detailed, but it lacks perspective. definition #2: a visible scene, especially one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate. The perspective that I speak of today is one that I feel is a combination of these definitions, in a sense. Which is why I felt the need to break down the meaning of the word itself for the purpose of this post.  But before I explain myself, let me first ask you this question. How was your day today? I know it sounds almost cliche', since you are probably asked this question so often by people, both random and familiar alike; so as to create small talk, with no depth whatsoever... not much different from a weather discussion. But I'd like to take this time to ask you to give this question some serious thought before you answer it. Unlike the usual small talk, I would sincerely like to know. What happened today? Was it a "normal" day? (Humdrum, boring, and routine)? Or did something out of the ordinary happen - whether good or bad? Let's say you had a "normal" day. The same as any other, nothing exciting to speak of in particular. Here is something I'd like you to try:

Dissect your day, piece by piece. In what ways could your day have gone better? Is there something that you or someone else could have or would have done differently to improve the outcome of your day? Start small. Start by improving the small things first. For ex. "If I had done my laundry yesterday like I started to, maybe I would have been more prepared this morning, and had a few extra minutes to make a cup of coffee instead of spending all that time looking for clean clothes to wear." In this example, this person's day could have gone that much better if she/he'd only had the time for that cup of coffee. Can you think of something similar to this that helps you relate? Take that thing that was unfortunately omitted from your day, and write it down. Then move on to the next thing. Ex. "If I had only asked someone else to clean the kitchen for me today during the time I was home between school and work, I could have taken a nap, and been better rested for tomorrow." I know sometimes we feel like we burden others with our wants and needs, but it's likely that person probably wouldn't mind helping you as much as you think they would. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need from someone who is in a position to help you. When you have written down all of the things that you were unable to enjoy as the day wore on, look it over. These are the things that you should put more effort into allowing into your day, instead of potentially doing something to stress yourself out in place of it. Who needs that? Make a promise to try not to do this to yourself anymore. Make time to allow yourself the simple pleasures in life.  If you're feeling gutsy, here's another exercise for you: Close your eyes. Think about the "perfect day." What would you do if you could do anything you wanted for the entire day? Use the same day from the previous exercise to base this on. This time, when doing the omitting, omit all the things (and/or people) from this day that would keep the "perfect day" from happening. Then, the next time you have a free day, all to yourself, attempt to make as many of these things happen as possible. Note: If, when you open your eyes, you can't stop smiling, you've done it correctly! Now, back to my explanation of perspective...By doing all that we've done today, we have "inspected", and "looked through" all the relevant data of our lives in order to gain a meaningful relationship with ourselves. We have also created a "visible scene," or "vista," if you will, to gain perspective from a distance on what pleases us. Remember...sometimes, you have to close your eyes in order to see. Until next time.

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My View of Individuality

May 5th, 2013

This post is for those whose view outside the window today is individuality. Had you spoken with me about this subject a year ago, it would have been the view outside of mine.

Individuality is a gift for many reasons. But it sometimes can feel like a curse. People, environments, and/or circumstances can influence you to sacrifice it. Sometimes, very willingly, other times, not so much. Either way, if you have been influenced to rearrange the details of who you are to satisfy something or someone outside of yourself, you would not have done so if that person or thing had not existed, because 10 times out of 10, who you are is exactly who you want to be, feel comfortable being, and plan to be in the future. Unfortunately, situations can arise that make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. You feel you have to be a different kind of person to suit what is going on around you, or you won't be happy otherwise. And neither will they. Isn't it amazing what a person will do to please someone else? The lengths a person will stretch to for acceptance? Whether it be for one person, a small group of people, or a whole social community, what's even more amazing than that is how non-accepting areas of the world can be at times, to make you feel as though these lengths might actually be necessary in the first place. I encourage you to do one thing today. Think about what it is in your life that seems unable to accept you the way you were before. Think about how much happier you were when you didn't have this to be concerned about. Think about how much this person/thing/group really means to you, and whether changing the details of the beauty you held within is really worth that transformation. If there is someone in your life who can't see themselves being associated with you in your original, beautiful state, then perhaps this person does not truly care for you, and if they claim to, then maybe they are just not right for you. Settling for someone/something that requires you to change is never a good thing. Presenting who you are with confidence, refusing to stray from it, and inspiring others to do the same will not only benefit you the most in the long run, it will make you a stronger person, and help you determine who your real friends are. Trust me, with a lot of patience, and some time, you will find the ones who truly deserve to share your life with you. And, hopefully, you will find, rediscover, and love yourself again as well. Just like I did.

Until next time.

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How We View Success

May 3rd, 2013

Success... A broad, broad word. One with what may have the largest amount of definitions in the world. Think about it. For example, If I were to say something like this: "You know, today, I think I might run for governor, and then if that doesn't work out, then, well, I think I'll move to Florida, with the money I have saved up, and lounge on the beach for the duration of my life." Let's say my venture to run for governor does not work out for me, and I do decide to move to Florida.  Am I successful? Well, let's assess the situation. I set out to do one thing, and when it fell through, I already had a back up plan, which I accomplished. If I am satisfied with living on the beach for the duration of my natural life, doing nothing but lounging, fishing, and watching sunsets, does that make me a successful person? Who decides? The key phrase in that question was this: "If I am satisfied." Ultimately, It does not matter what scale your ventures in life are weighed on, because YOUR scale is the only one that matters. Do not seek to weigh your desires for a successful life on the scales of others - this is where we often lose sight of what success really is. So if reaching your goal for success is what your view consists of today, remember this: Much like beauty, success is in the eye of the beholder. When you are satisfied with the goals you have achieved, only then are you a successful person. And with that, I wish you all the success the world has to offer you. Until next time.

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To Do List

May 1st, 2013

So...it's been a couple of days..and I've made my lists. On the list of small things, I had a total of 31. On my list of things that are harder to attain, I had 11. Was your list like mine? Did you find that there are way more things in life that, though small, bring you pleasure just the same? On my "Small Things" List,  I had things like this: 1. A hammock (when I get one) 2. my patio 3. silence 4. music 5. dancing 6. Watching others dance 7. Spending time with family & friends 8. eating good food 9. cleaning 10. decorating 11.  making love 12. rain 13. sharing a meal 14. putting on make-up 15. putting together outfits 16. shoes & clothes shopping 17. picnics 18. drinking wine 19. going out to jazz or poetry clubs 20. reading poetry 21. writing 22. kissing 23. Spring weather 24. butterflies (literal, and the ones I feel) 25. singing 26. driving 27. walks in the park (alone or not) 28. massages 29. someone washing my hair 30. being touched tenderly 31. July 4th My "Harder to Attain" list looked like this: 1. Go to Hawaii 2. If I like Hawaii, move there 3. Obtain real estate license 4. Get my decorating/staging business off of the ground 5. financial security 6. Love. Real love, that is mutual and all I ever dreamed of 7. to own a home with all my must haves 8. to see all my children succeed 9. the perfect car 10. more (and better) female friends 11. great sex...often I realized, once my lists were in front of me, that #1, the 1st list had quite a bit of simple things that could keep me going on the days that I am down, or feeling just a bit under the weather. And since this was just off of the top of my head, I know for sure that there are plenty more of them where those came from. And the 2nd thing I realized was that, the 2nd list is more attainable than I was making it out to be inside my head. These are all things, that with a little effort, and a lot of will, these things can all be done. It doesn't matter how long it takes me, if I'm patient, this is just a list of things that I plan on happening..some sooner rather than later. Sometimes, writing it out helps. For instance, when solving a difficult math problem, it seems harder to calculate in in your head than it would be if you wrote it out on paper. The reason is because, this way, you can see it better. Ever heard the expression, "It's all in your head"? Well, if your list literally stays there, so may the misconception that your goals are too hard to achieve. If you haven't made your lists yet, I definitely encourage it. It will help you put your life in perspective. At the top of your 1st list, put the words, "Things That Make Me Feel Better,"  and at the top of the top of the 2nd list, name it, " To Do List." I may even frame mine and display them as a constant reminder. Until next time.

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How Do You View Happiness?

April 27th, 2013

Today, the focus is happiness. What makes you happy? Is it simple things, like the sound of a baby cooing? The feel of cool raindrops on your face during a spring shower? A hug and an I love you from a friend, child, or relative? Or, for you, is it more complicated? Things like the approval and/or acceptance of your peers...to be more beautiful than that girl you envy...to make that person you have a crush on love you...or to own that coveted new car your best friend has? (Notice that these are all things that you don't currently have, but, boy, would you be psyched if you did)! If the latter sounds more appealing, (because, face it, we all have a soft spot for babies and rain, but who are we kidding...) here is what I would suggest you do. Write out two lists. On the first list, write down all the small things in life that you can think of that make you feel good to be alive. On the second list, write down all of the harder, more difficult to attain things that you don't have that would make your life perfect if you did. On the morrow, we shall discuss what to do with these lists, once you have them completed. In the meantime, let's get started on our View of Happiness. Until next time.

The View For Today

April 27th, 2013

So, I'm sitting here..thinking about what view is outside my window today. This particular entry is on a personal note... Today, it's love. There is someone who has my heart. He can't give it back, and even if he could, I wouldn't want it. Yet, ours is a situation that is extremely complicated, therefore, we are unable to carry on a relationship the way I would like. When I see him, he takes my breath away. If he were to touch me, I'd melt. I'm in love with him. I can't tell him. I'm in need of him. I can't have him. His love continues to elude me. It's the kind of potential love that, if allowed to manifest, would stretch as far as the sprawling plains of the earth, run as deep as the floor of the ocean, and reach the sky to pluck away a cloud. It is undeniable, very mutual, (trust me, I know), and devastatingly beautiful. But, alas, like the view, it is something only seen, admired, and dreamed of. Perhaps one day, it will be mine. But for now, 'tis only The View For Today. Until next time.

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What Draws Us To The Room With The View?

April 25th, 2013

Hello, out there. It's Deborah, and this is my first blog entry. I'd like to take this opportunity to implore you this question...what is it that draws us to the room with the view? The room that most anyone would choose if given the choice, whether it be at a hotel, your new home, your office,  the window seat on an airplane, or even your computer's wallpaper. What does this view do for us? Does it provide a sense of comfort to view a place that we would rather be than where we are? Most likely. Does it give us hope that someday we may actually reach that place, even if it's not today? Probably. But how many of us actually do reach that place? And how much would it disappoint us if we never did? Sound familiar to any other aspects of your life? Take your career, for instance. Have you found one yet? Are you doing what you really love for a living? If you won the lottery, or inherited a large sum of money, what would you do for the rest of your life? Some people don't even know the answer to a question such as this. Worse yet; some do, but are either having an extremely hard time trying to reach their dreams, or don't believe they are even worth pursuing; out of fear of failure. Or your love life...How many people on earth actually find "The One?" Does "The One" even really exist? Or is love 100% what you make it?  Most everyone wants to be loved. And being in love is a wonderful feeling... until that person breaks your heart. Then you're left wondering if anyone will ever make you feel that way again, or worse, if you'd even want to...since it means you could be hurt yet again... But somehow, we never stop dreaming. 

We allow the success stories of others to inspire us. We take classes to become good at what we love. We watch love stories that move us to tears of sheer joy. And we still crave The Room With The View.

And this is why The Room With The View is the theme for this site. We dream, we anticipate, we love, we learn... and we sure could use some help along the way. We are all on separate; yet not necessarily very different journeys. As I go through life, I'd like to take you along... And I hope that this blog will serve as an inspiration to all of your aspirations. Until next time.